Pick Up Off The Floor
by iconicdoxi
Summary: Since leaving Bella in the woods, the Cullens have added 2 more members. Feeling compromised, The Volturi travel to Forks to dispose of them. The Cullens saving grace may also mean the end for Edward. Or will Bella Volturi have a change of undead heart?
1. Saved by the Bell

Full Summary:

It's been fifty-three years since Edward left Bella in the woods. Since then, the Cullens have added two new members to their coven, and have moved back to Forks. Feeling compromised, the Volturi travel to Forks to dispose of the Cullens. As war is about to commence, the newest Volturi member suffers an onslaught of memories of her human past. The Cullens' saving grace may also mean the end of Edward. Or will Bella Volturi have a change of undead heart?

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A/N: After trying to find as many stories that follow the general idea of Bella being changed when the Cullens leave her in New Moon as I could, I found this idea still haunting me. I don't know where it came from or what it wants, so I just decided to let it out, and a full story later, I've decided I'd like to share it with everyone else. There will be explainations, angst, anger, sex, and more angst...and maybe, eventually some happiness. I might be a sucker for happy endings, but that would be giving it all away.

Title comes from Mika, from his new album The Boy Who Knew Too Much. I enjoyed the thought of the name as the title, and then the lyrics just happened to fit extraordinarily well!

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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I vaguely recognized the area as we approached our awaiting enemies. We were in some sort of brush that eventually opened into a clearing that I assumed was made by this coven. Aro had me positioned behind most of our army, close enough forward that if I was needed I could quickly step in, but far enough back that I wouldn't be caught off guard and harmed. Not an easy feat, I might add. I tried to catch a look at the coven we were fighting, to get an understanding as to why we had the whole guard leave Volterra to come here, to Forks, Washington.

I quickly weaved to stand behind the guard, within the front row of our army, and looked past to see a grouping of very large men, abnormally large men, who were scattered about the clearing, but I could also see a few standing back, more into the woods. I looked back at our army wondering how they were sustaining themselves from attacking the humans when I took in a breath myself and was surprised to find I was revolted by the smell. I looked back to the men, analyzing them. They looked human, they had heartbeats, but they were tainted. Something about them was different and this affected their blood.

I shrugged it off. They were still human. We weren't here to fight them. So I continued to scan the clearing for the coven we were here for. I hadn't been paying attention to the conversation Aro had been having with them, with I'd assume their leader, so I stumbled when I was suddenly pushed forward when our army moved in to attack.

"Bella! No!" I heard Aro shout just as I looked forward to see the coven. I fell to the ground as I was suddenly overcome with a lifetime of memories. The Cullens. Edward. Alice. Carlisle. Esme. Emmett. Jasper. Rosalie. Jacob. Charlie. Renee. Family. Friends. Love. Hurt. Infatuation. Lost. Secrets. Protection. Edward.

"Stop!" I cried, my hands automatically raised to pause the war.

I panted, overcome with emotion, with recognition. My past, my human past that I could never remember, had assaulted me at the worst, yet best possible time.

I looked up to see everyone frozen, our army literally frozen in the air as they launched for the attack of the Cullens. Aro was reaching towards me, his features frozen in fear. I stood up and walked towards the Cullens, who were crouched and ready to defend themselves. The men! Oh the men were the weirdest as I focused on them, only to find them in a half state of man and wolf. They were werewolves! But it was not night and there was no full moon? I broke my attention away from them and looked back to the Cullens. There were more of them. This is why we were here in the first place, to 'take care' of the coven that was growing too large. I looked to Edward, the man that had caused me so much pain as a human. He stood in front of a girl I did not recognize, protecting her, and I was surprised to feel a rip of pain and jealousy course through me. My heart remembered too.

I ignored the girl and studied Edwards face. It was different then my sudden memories portrayed him. His features were more defined - his skin darker, like he hadn't been caring for himself. I shrugged it off and equated it to seeing him through human eyes versus vampire eyes. He had a peculiar look, as if somehow, facing off against our army, he had a sudden burst of hope. His eyes were alive with recognition but held a look of confusion, and sorrow I now only knew too well. He was focused on something before I froze everything and I placed myself in front of him to look where he had been looking. I couldn't see anything. If anything he should have been looking up, at the newborn that was about to descend upon him. I looked over to Carlisle to see him looking at the same empty spot. As was Jasper. I went over to Alice, but she was looking over at Aro, smiling? I ignored Alice and went to stand where the boys were looking and found myself in the spot I had been when I had recognized the Cullens. They had seen me. They knew who I was. They knew I was there.

My time of holding everything at standstill was running out so I had to work this out quickly. I needed Aro to stop this war. I needed the Cullens safe.

I made my way to Aro, brushing his arm to unfreeze him from my trance.

"-la!" He unfroze, ending my name as he had been calling for me. It took him only seconds to realize what had occurred.

"Aro, please stop this. We can't hurt them."

He shook his head and wrapped an arm around me. "Bella, their coven has grown too large. We remain at risk unless we take matters into our own hands. You know this and you have had no issues in the past with our reasoning."

"But I know them Aro. I know they have no intentions of overruling us or engaging us in battle."

He stopped and stood in front of me. "You know them? But how?"

I frowned. He knew exactly how I knew them, which is why I was never told the name of the coven we were set to destroy. He would use my reason as new ammunition to kill them. "I knew them when I was human."

His eyes sparkled, pleased with my honesty and with his new reason for slaying. "When you were human? Well, I know Carlisle knows, better than anyone-"

"Aro, we will not harm them." I cut him off; we didn't have time for his games.

He tsked me, once again wrapping his arm around me and leading me towards the Cullens. "My dear Bella. You now remember your human past with this coven, but do you not remember the pain they caused you, that Edward caused you?"

My eyes narrowed, I felt them darken as my undead heart ached. "I do, Aro. But that does not mean I wish them harm."

"Not even young Edward? I could perhaps call all of this off in sacrifice of bringing Edward home with us." Aro bargained, of course he would use this to expand his own guard, gain new powers, but he had a point.

Edward had left me heartbroken. He had essentially killed me. Brought me to this time and place. To take him away from his family, bring him into the guard, where he undoubtly would rather be killed then serve, could bring with it a certain vengeance. He may have stopped loving me, but I was sure his distaste for me to have to live this existence never faltered.

"You're considering my offer." Aro voiced his thoughts as he watched me work out what I wanted.

We were now standing in front of Edward. I studied him once again, his face and hair unchanged. Then I looked to the girl he was protecting. She was beautiful. Her hair a dark brown, nearly black, and pin straight. Her eyes were dark and I could see she was scared but ready to fight. She was dressed in the same fashions as I remember Alice and Rosalie enjoying. Another sting to my heart. I looked over to Alice and then Rosalie. I missed them, now that I remembered having them. But they had left me too.

"If I agree, we take Edward with us. I control him. I control his time with us. If I decide he should leave, there will be no debate, he will be sent back here. And _if_ that is to happen, we will not seek another fight, no matter what the size of the Cullens coven." I proposed. I needed to know he had a way out.

Aro raised an eyebrow and looked between Edward and myself. "You've been hurt. You now remember the pain caused by this coven but you will still protect them."

I smiled at his distaste to my humanity. "They don't deserve to die Aro. Taking Edward away will cause enough pain to everyone."

He grinned. Aro actually grinned. "Very well. And might you have a plan as to go about this?"

I unfroze Jane and Felix and had them take Edward away. By the time my power wore off he would be securely in the private jet. I knew he'd be 'safe' with them.

With Edward taken care of Aro went back to where he had been standing while I stood directly in front of the Cullens and with a quick flex in my brain I was able to unfreeze only the Cullens and the werewolves.

"Run back!" I told them when I caught their recognition.

A chorus of "Bella?" rippled through the clearing.

"I don't have time to deal with this, I said run! Now before they unfreeze." I looked behind me. We were seconds away from my power wearing off. "Go!"

I don't know what it was that made them run, but in a split second they were gone and the rest of the undead landed behind me.

"Stop!" Aro called to the confused army.

Before I could hear Aro's reasoning to the army I too had taken off, but towards our plane. Edward would also be unfrozen now.


	2. The eXFiles

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended

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I had quickly made my way back to our jet, giving myself minimal time to think about what I was doing. The pain I now remembered from my human life was crippling. I had fallen hard for Edward, and at first he caught me, helped me to stand upright, and held my hand as I found sturdy ground. But then the ground was pulled out from under my feet and the firm ground I'd had beneath me was now gone. I was left alone to crash and burn, falling deeper into my despair than I had ever fallen into the depths of love.

"You really are silly for even trying," Jane's voice trilled from inside our jet.

I could hear Edwards tortured screams being muffled by something as I ascended the stairs.

"Jane, cut it out," Felix told her, his voice portraying his boredom. He had never liked being away from Volterra and the fewer complications in getting back the better. "She said 'keep him safe'."

I could picture Jane rolling her eyes. "You know he's safe, if I wasn't doing this he'd be trying to escape."

I boarded the plane and Edward immediately stopped convulsing as Jane lifted her control from him. I ignored them all and walked by to sit at the back of the plane, where I could watch without being seen.

"Bella," Edward moaned as he tried to lift himself from the floor.

Jane was quick to otherwise occupy him, sending him into convulsions once more as she mockingly said, "Silly boy."

"Jane that's enough," I whispered, any vampire could easily hear me, though I doubted Edward could through his mental torture.

I watched as Edwards' body curled into the foetal position, tense and protective.

"Well, aren't you lucky?" Jane leered, kicking at Edward as she walked by him to sit in one of the seats by a window.

I shook my head; she was always the most childish of the guard. I suppose that had something to do with being treated more as a pet than a fellow member. Regardless, she was a good ally to have, not that she would ever be on my side if she had a choice.

I watched with interest as Edward remained curled up on the floor, unmoving. I sensed he was trying to read Felix and Jane, figure out what we were doing with him. I hoped Aro had given them instructions on how to block him from reading their thoughts earlier. We were okay now that I was here, but who knows what they were thinking of before I arrived.

"Felix, get the boy off the floor and show him some hospitality," Aro demanded as he, Demetri, Cauis, Marcus, Alec, and Renata boarded the plane, the door closing behind them. The rest of the guard was left to take another plane back home.

Felix immediately jumped to action, lifting Edward from the floor and dumping him in a seat. Edward was still stiff, so he slowly let his body relax into the oversized seat.

Felix looked at Edward then at me before turning to Aro. "This is a bad idea, Master."

"It wasn't my decision; you know who to talk to if you have a problem with this. Although I must say, I am quite pleased with this addition. If I had have known this is how it would play out, then I would have pushed the meeting sooner." Aro answered Felix while taking a seat beside me.

"I am not your pet, Aro," I reminded him, much to the amusement of the rest of the guard who had taken their own seats about the plane.

"I know, my dear. But surely you had been told of my interest in this Cullen."

I hadn't, and it stung, but I didn't let that show. Instead I watched Edward as he listened to our conversation, failing horribly at his attempt to remain uninterested. "I'm going to sit up front."

Aro's hand shot to my wrist as I stood. "We're taking off."

"Don't be silly, Aro. I'll be fine." I laughed at his excuse to keep me hidden, keep me away from Edward.

He released me and I felt everyone's eyes watching as I walked by them, taking the seat beside Felix, behind Edward.

"He isn't much for conversation is he?" Felix asked, motioning to Edward's still slumped body as I pulled my legs up underneath me.

"He's listening."

"They'll come for me," Edward moaned from in front of us, sounding like he was still recovering from Jane.

"Eventually, of course, they're too confused to understand anything about our whereabouts at the moment," I answered, thinking about what the rest of the coven must be going through right now. Surely Alice would have seen him being brought to the plane with Jane and Felix, but he would have disappeared as soon as I was involved.

"What did you do to them?!" Edward growled, attempting to turn around and attack me.

Felix quickly jumped up to protect me, not that I needed it, and forced Edward back into his seat, facing forward.

"Calm down Edward. They're safe. You should thank me for that, by the way," I said smugly, "but there's time for that later. Rest now, and stop trying to read everyone, it won't work and you'll only exhaust yourself."

"Why can't I read anyone?" he asked, frustration lacing his voice.

I sighed and pulled out a magazine from my bag. "No more talking, I'm bored of your questions. Enjoy your silence."

The rest of the trip was spent in relative silence. I ended up giving my iPod to Edward so he had something to focus on other than his own mind, which seemed to placate him for the rest of the flight.

We landed at night and Edward was left again with Jane and Felix to escort him to our home. It was weird to see him so docile, but I guessed Jane's influence had something to do with that.

I made the rest of the trip with Alec and Demetri, close enough behind Edward to block him from reading anyone's thoughts, but far enough that he couldn't locate me and confirm his suspicions. Alec and Demetri had been unusually fidgety during the flight and as soon as it was safe to do so they began firing their questions and concerns at me.

"Can you stop talking for like, five minutes?" I laughed.

Alec sighed. "You're going to get hurt Bells."

"You don't know that...and besides, what do you know about the Cullens and my human life anyway?"

Alec took a sharp breath and nudged Demetri.

"We know everything about your human life," Demetri told me, his head bowed.

I stopped walking and looked between them. "How? I mean, I didn't know anything until hours ago."

"Aro visited the Cullens after we found you; he wanted to know more about you..." Demetri trailed off, letting me put everything together.

"So he just decided to tell everyone else, besides me, the most important person to be told that kind of information?! And what, he told you all not to tell me?"

"Pretty much," Demetri replied at the same time Alec mumbled, "well not everyone knows..."

I huffed and sped up to get closer to the group in front of us.

"Bells!" Demetri called after me.

"Shut up! He'll hear you!" I shushed him; I wanted to know what was going on with our prisoner.

"You know, stalking is illegal where you're from," Alec chirped when he caught up.

"Yeah? Tell that to Demetri...and besides, Edward stalked me first."

I was disappointed to find nothing was being said, that Edward was silent, allowing Jane to force him forward with no protest. Although I'm sure that was smartest thing for him to be doing, it was quite boring for the rest of us.

The walk was short and Edward was quickly shown his new living quarters (though I'm sure he saw it as a prison) while the rest of us gathered in the hall. Apparently I had some 'splainin to do. With that in mind I entered the hall, into a meeting that was already in progress.

"Bella, thank you for joining us, please sit," Caius greeted me sarcastically, motioning to the empty seat beside Demetri. I rolled my eyes and sat down as the conversation resumed. Aro had informed them of the decision that had been made, that Edward had been brought back with us in sacrifice for his family and that it was my decision.

"Bella could you please explain to us what happened in Forks, and why we now have a Cullen prisoner with us?" Cauis asked with a sneer.

I looked to see Aro raise an eyebrow to Cauis' distaste towards me and I smiled before I thought of what I would tell my coven. I started with a shrug. "As soon as I saw the Cullens my human life came rushing back to me...thank you by the way for not letting me in on the fact that you all knew of my past since my change."

Everyone but Cauis and Jane looked guilty and hung their heads to which I once again shrugged and then continued. "Anyway, remembering my life with the Cullens was obviously a huge shock so I froze you all. I needed to comprehend everything and what we were about to do. Without a doubt I knew we couldn't kill them.

"Yes, I understand that the coven is getting quite large in numbers, but I know they mean us no harm. They have no intentions of overruling us or taking over our role in our world. I unfroze Aro and he came up with the idea to bring Edward back with us. I know you all know he and the Cullens hurt me. And I know I haven't remembered any of this until now, but in all honesty I still need to deal with it. I never got the chance to get over my pain and the betrayal I felt from their leaving me. I don't really care how selfish or childish it may seem but I need closure, possibly some revenge, and this is how I am going to go about it.

"The Cullens will be hurt without Edward. They will try to find him and bring him home. But they also recognized me before I sent them away. They know I am alive and that I was in Forks. I don't think it will be naive of us to assume they think Edwards disappearance has something to do with seeing me again. We will be safe for awhile from the Cullens."

"Okay, so what do you intend for Edward? Surely your anger is most directed at him? He is the one that left you and took the coven with him," Marcus asked, the rest of the guard nodding their interest in the answer to the question.

"He'll serve on the guard. Once I lift my shield he will be able to read everyone's mind once again. He will be an asset to us. I know Aro has offered him a place with us multiple times over the past two centuries. While serving us he will also be dealing with his own self-inflicted torture of knowing I met the one fate he tried so hard to save me from. He never wanted this life for me."

"And how can you be sure he won't simply return to his family? In case you've forgotten, young Bella, we do not force anyone to be a part of the Guard." Cauis smirked, knowing there was very little chance Edward would stay without a fight.

"He'll stay," Marcus answered promptly, before I could even begin to bullshit my own reply.

I looked curiously at him, my interest piqued more so when he avoided my eyes. Marcus, all mighty sensor of relationships, was firm in his belief that Edward was going to stay with us without force... odd.

"Very well then," Aro clapped his hands together, breaking me from my stupor. "Bella you should reintroduce yourself to your guest. I believe Heidi will be back soon with a meal, perhaps you will have him join us."

I looked around as a chuckle rounded the room, I didn't understand the humour so I stood to leave the room. "I will, thank you for understanding."

Once I was in the hall I was overcome with nervousness. I didn't know how to do this. He left me, he didn't want me anymore, he didn't love me anymore, but I was about to force him to be a part of my coven, leaving his behind.

"Want someone with you?" Felix joined me as I stood outside the door separating me from Edward.

I considered this. I could use Felix as my safety if Edward decided to return to the girl I took him away from back in Forks. But then I remembered Marcus and his confidence in Edwards stay. "No Felix, I have this. Thanks."

"If you're sure." He pouted before kissing my temple and leaving me alone again outside the door.

I sighed and knocked on the door, not really expecting an answer. "Edward?"

I heard nothing. No movement. No breathing. Nothing, only complete silence.

I knocked again, "Edward, I'm coming in."

I opened the door enough for me to enter and then closed it behind me.

"Why are you doing this?" Edward asked, his voice tired and low.

I looked around the room to see him leaning against the window, staring into the dark night. I didn't know how to answer him. I was doing this to punish him and to let go of my past, and clearly I couldn't simply tell him that.

"It was this or your coven would have been destroyed." It wasn't that far from the truth.

He turned from the window to face me and I saw the same look of hope, confusion and sorrow flash across his face as I had back in the clearing. "Bella..."

I felt my stomach lurch at the pain in his voice and I swallowed back the venom that had begun to pool. This was not how I was supposed to react. I needed the upper hand against him. I straightened myself, masking any emotion my face might portray. "Edward. I'm pleased you remember me."

"Of course I remember you, I could never forget you Bella." He sighed, moving closer to where I standing by the wardrobe.

"Well, it has been nearly fifty-three years. One can find very many _distractions_ in half a century." I watched as he winced. Shit, I was getting emotional. "I mean, I didn't even remember you existed until I saw your coven in the clearing."

He looked at me curiously. "Bella, what happened to you?"

"_You_. You happened to me, Edward." I smiled sadly. I needed to leave before I said anything else. "Heidi should have returned now, she does our hunting for us. You can come with me, or I can have Alec show you the way to the hall."

He tensed and stared at my eyes. "That won't be necessary."

"Edward, I know this is probably the last place you would like to be, and with the last person you would like to be with, but you need to feed. Your eyes are black."

His eyebrows furrowed. "I don't feed on humans, Bella."

"Then how do you survive? How are you not weak?"

"You're still missing some parts of your memory. My family and I hunt animals, not humans."

I gasped, that sounded horrific. "Animals? Like goats or dogs?"

"I prefer mountain lion, but we always have an abundance of deer," he explained as he moved back to the window. How did I not remember this?

"I'm afraid we don't have many mountain lion in the area. I think we have some deer, wild boar, maybe some wolves for large game. But we have mostly smaller animals here... rabbit and pheasants. Unless of course you take advantage of the silly petting zoos the farmers like to keep, but I think that would be hard to go about without being noticed." I was rambling. I needed to go and eat.

"I'll find something Bella. Perhaps you'd like to come with me, try it for yourself?"

I tried to hide my grimace. "Not tonight. Maybe some other time though."

"Don't you ever feel guilty for taking a human life? For killing someone's mother or father, son or daughter?"

I hadn't thought about it like that, before today I didn't remember the feeling of having a real family, of being someone's child. "It's in our nature; it's a part of what we are."

"It doesn't have to be," he reasoned against my defence.

"Maybe not. But we're part of the food chain, the top of the food chain; it's how we are supposed to survive."

He was in front of me again, his eyes boring into my own. "It doesn't have to be, Bella."

He had taken my arm in his hand, holding onto me as if he was trying not to lose me. He was no longer cold to the touch; his touch wasn't as delicate as it was when I was human.

I frowned and pulled away from him. "But it is."

"Bella..."

I stepped towards the door, causing him to trail off. "If you won't join us I'll see to it someone brings you some sort of meal. I can't promise it will be very fulfilling or taste well, but it will be enough to sustain you."

Before he could say anything else I slipped out of the room and joined everyone else in the 'dining hall'. Not only did the idea of not having to feed from humans disturb me, but that I didn't remember that his family hunted animals. It made sense, considering they didn't eat me when I was human, but I didn't remember anything about their choice in diet. I wondered what else was missing from my memory.


	3. Threes Company

A/N: Thank you for the love in your reviews, while I already have a big chunk written, the reviews keep me going! This chapter is where the story gets its rating...most of you will probably hate where we go in this chapter, but what happens, happens and everything will work itself out eventually. Let me know what you think, good or bad!

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3. Three's Company

I could tell my appetite was off and I wasn't as, excited, to feed as I would usually be and it felt as though everyone else noticed too. As if they were watching me ever since I had rejoined them since spending time with Edward. I had unconsciously picked off the older persons in the group, only stopping to realize this as I dropped the bodies.

"Okay, what's with the monitoring?" I asked Felix as we left the hall and made our way to our respective living quarters.

"I'm not sure I know what you are talking about?" I'm sure he meant it as a statement, but that's not how it came out.

"Felix. Spill." I had stopped walking; I wasn't in the mood for games.

He sighed and turned around, taking my hand in his as he led me back down the hallway. "Let's grab Alec and go for a walk?"

"Guess I don't have a choice do I?"

"That's not true, you could just retire for the night, but I know you have questions and you know we have the answers."

I growled lightly, he was right. And I hated when Felix was right. It was annoying. What annoyed me more then when Felix was seldom right, was when someone tried to step in and save me when they assumed something was wrong. Enter Edward.

Felix and I exchanged looks when we heard Edward struggling against the guards who were stationed by his room.

"What is going on here?" We heard Alec demand as we rounded the corner to see two of our men holding Edward against the wall, Alec was standing on the other side with his arms crossed.

"What did you do to her?!" Edward shouted towards Felix, anger lacing his voice.

Felix cocked an eyebrow while Alec looked about ready to make use of his power as Edward continued to fight against his guards.

"Edward. Calm down, you're going to get yourself hurt." I told him, shaking my head at Alec to call off his attack. "No one did anything."

He stopped struggling but kept his focus on me and Felix. "I heard you growl."

"You heard that?" I was astonished. I was in an entirely different area and it wasn't that loud.

"It's been unusually quiet up here since being around you again." Edward explained, tapping his temple with a finger.

Oh right, that. "Well, learn to focus your attention elsewhere. You are the one in danger here, not me, you don't need to worry about me."

"I always worry about you, Bella." He admitted quietly.

I rolled my eyes. "Bring him back to his room. Goodnight Edward."

I watched as he looked helplessly at me, following the rough pushes of the guards towards his room.

"And the bitch is back." Alec quipped once Edwards's door was closed and the guards were back at their stations.

"We thought you had gone soft on us Hells Bells." Felix groaned into my hair as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

I chuckled and lifted the shield I had wrapped around the Guard, smiling at the pained scream Edward emitted as the thoughts of everyone within the walls of Volterra flooded his mind.

Alec raised an eyebrow. "What was that?"

"Careful what you think." I smiled as I tapped my temple just as Edward had done.

Alec beamed while Felix looked panicked. "Jesus Bella, give a guy some warning."

"Oh please Felix we all already know what you think about ninety-nine point nine percent of the time, we never needed a mind reader to tell us that before, we certainly don't need one now." I smirked, running my hand down his arm before taking off to the streets of the city, enjoying the sound of my two closest brothers chasing after me.

We strolled through the dark streets and I watched the drunken humans make fools of themselves as they stumbled through the alleys, most playing chase with one another, trying to find a release within their partner of the night. The boys and I were trying out a new watering hole that had opened in the city a few nights ago. It was trendy, full of colour and life, but still held the desperation we found at most other pubs.

"Those two," Alec whispered, practically drooling as he motioned to two blonde girls who were dancing together on the dance floor. I watched them for a moment before becoming bored.

"Two?" I looked at him doubtfully. "Getting a little ambitious aren't we?"

"What? Don't think you can reel both of them?" Felix drawled as he too watched the girls dance with one another.

"No, I know I'd have no problem with them. I was referring to the two of you being able to handle the three of us."

"Please, Bella," Felix chuckled, his knowing tone telling me he wasn't referring to being able to handle the amount.

I scoffed. "I'm not included."

"Not with them you aren't," a familiar voice commanded in my ear, causing me to pull in a breath.

"Demetri." I turned around to face him; he was leaning against the bar, with his body open towards me. "You've decided to join us?"

"You three always seem to have the most fun on your adventures," he said as he narrowed his eyes, scanning the crowd in front of us.

I smirked, I had always wanted Demetri to join us but he had always declined. "Why the change of heart? I thought you didn't like to share."

He smiled down at me, brushing his hand across my cheek. "I don't like to share _you_, Bella. But it seems as though things are about to change, and I don't want to miss the opportunity while it is still available."

I studied him, trying to figure out what he meant, but I was pulled away by Felix as he guided me to the girls on the dance floor. And Demetri let him.

I was confused. Demetri and Aro deeply frowned upon the activities Felix, Alec and I took part in. Aro simply turned a blind eye to our nightly festivities while Demetri would scowl at the boys, his distaste for our activities more personal than Aro's. Neither of them enjoyed the thought of me in the position, or rather, positions, I would be placed in. But Aro's reason was because he thought of me as a daughter, well as much as a daughter could be loved for her power rather than biology, whereas Demetri's reasons were more adulterous. I liked Demetri, I did, but we could never be more then what we were, simply because neither of us felt for each other. I didn't feel for Felix or Alec either, and I'm sure it's mutual. But unlike Felix and Alec, Demetri liked to keep me separate from the others. Felix and Alec liked to play, and I was no one to sit around and be bored for fifty-three years.

It was a useful talent, to be able to dazzle a person, and these girls were no different than the plethora of the girls and boys before them. The right words, the right amount of will and we had them back in our quarters within the hour. They were more than willing to come home with us, drunk and sloppy as they tried to dance to the music we had playing in the room. I guess a favourite song of theirs had begun to play as they both squealed and clambered onto the coffee table that was in front of the long couch the boys were sitting on. I sat in the window, bored with their pitiful attempts to seduce and arouse.

"Bella you should be dancing with them." Felix called from his seat.

Well, at least he noticed I was missing from the action. "_That _is far from what I would call dancing."

"Well why don't you go show them what you would consider dancing then?" Demetri purred in my ear.

I smirked and turned my body towards his. "There are many other, more _satisfying_, things that I would rather be doing right now, with or without them."

Demetri grinned and picked me up, but instead of carrying me to the bed as I had assumed he would, he brought me to the center of the room where the girls were still grinding distastefully against one another. "I'm sure there are, but I know how much you enjoy dancing for us, and for your guests."

My eyes flashed as my temper flared. They were pissing me off, and they knew they were doing it. But I could play the game better than they could even attempt to, so I did. I stepped between the girls, bending at the right places, twisting at the right time, rubbing in the right areas. It was maybe a thirty seconds before I was thrown from the table and onto the bed.

I was surprised to see Felix above me, tearing at my clothing.

"She's mine!" Demetri growled, shoving Felix off of me and the bed, sending him crashing into the wall.

I smirked as I pulled off the rest of my clothing, kneeling on the bed and watching as the girls stood shock still after witnessing the display of vampire testosterone.

Their natural reflex to be terrified of us quickly overpowered the alcohol they had consumed and for a moment I wanted to watch as Alec tried to dazzle them back into submission, but before he could start Demetri had pushed me back onto the bed and had covered my mouth with his own.

There was nothing gentle about our time together. While Demetri pulled, Felix would push and eventually Alec brought the girls over to join us. I was never particularly fond of other women, but it was addictive to bring them to do what they never thought they would do, would touch and then to see them, to feel them, enjoy it.

The humans never made it very long. They were much too fragile, and by the time I found my first release I had lost any restraint anyway. I'm sure if the boys weren't already occupied this would frustrate them, but I had learned quickly how to distract them from the blood lust. And if that didn't work, the ability to freeze time helped immensely. And not only did it help when I found myself unable to control my own urges, but the boys both loved and loathed it. I could use it to prolong their ecstasy or I could be a bitch and end it all too quickly for them to feel the result of their efforts. Time may freeze but their bodily reactions stood no chance if provoked. I didn't know if they had thought of this when they brought in the extra meal, but without her I would have left them groaning and miserable without a second thought.

I slipped off the bed and grabbed my robe from the closet as Alec and Felix finished, and I was hyper aware of Demetri watching me from the bed. Before I left the room I blew him a kiss, ignoring what the boys were doing behind him. My thoughts were blank and I was sated as I slowly made my way to my own room, grinning at Jane as she passed me.

"You disgust me." I heard her whisper from down the hall.

"Your brother seems to love it." I returned with a laugh, it really was highly entertaining to anger her.

I entered my room and decided to run myself a bath before relaxing, giving my mind a chance to work out everything that had happened today. I was happy to remember my human life, to remember who I was before becoming Bella Volturi, but it troubled me to know there were parts still missing. The Cullens only feeding on animals is a big thing to not remember so I didn't know how selective my memories were. I would have to go over it all with Edward, or perhaps I could ask Alec. Despite his sister's hatred for me, he was my closest friend, the only one I felt I could trust and talk to without receiving a biased answer. Felix and Demetri were close seconds, but they carried a weird infatuation with me that often times jaded our relationship and conversation. Still, I doubted Aro had told anyone everything he knew of my human past, so that brought me back to asking Edward.

I was interrupted by an amused Heidi as she glided into my bathing room. "You might want to dress and check on your guest. That is if you have any pity for the boy left in you."

I sighed and sunk lower into the tub. "And why would you say that?"

"Jane's retaliating against you by taking it out on Edward." Her voice tinkled with laughter as I stood from the tub, accepting the towel she held out for me.

"I don't know why any of you put up with her. She's extremely immature and annoying."

Heidi sat on my bed as I dressed and pulled my hair up. "Some of us aren't so immune to her powers Bells."

"Oh. Right." I smiled and grabbed her hand to pull her towards Edwards's room with me. We entered to find Jane sitting on his bed, while he convulsed in pain on the floor. "Jane, fuck off."

"No, you are sick, Isabella," she spat, and if Edward's screams were any indication, upped her dose of torture.

I rolled my eyes and flicked my wrists. "Stop."

Time froze around me. Heidi stood next to me, smiling, knowing that I was about to use my power, while Jane sat looking like an angered child in the middle of a tantrum, focusing all her energy on Edward, who was half lifted off the ground in a rather awkward position.

I quickly moved towards Edward and brushed his arm, grabbing his head before it could crash against the floor as his body unfroze and he fell from his position. It took him a moment to stop screaming, to feel that the pain had stopped and again his body curled and locked into the foetal position.

"She can't hurt you anymore, well at least for the time being." I informed him, reaching out to brush his hair. It was just as soft as I remembered.

He uncurled and jumped into a crouch, growling slightly.

I stood up with him, watching as he scanned the room. "What?..."

"I can freeze time. It's just you and I moving and conscious right now."

"It's silent again," he whispered, walking to stand directly in front of Jane.

"Well I'd imagine with their bodies frozen, their minds would be frozen too. I'm no longer blocking you."

He scoffed. "Yes, you stopped that last night."

"You were able to hear far too much if you heard my whisper of a growl from two hallways over."

"When you lose the ability of one sense, you quickly learn to make the best use of the others. But I still hear a lot more through thoughts then I did when you were blocking me."

I felt an unusual wave of guilt at the idea of him hearing what I had done last night, hearing through any of the boys' thoughts about what I had been up to over the past half-century. I pushed it aside and walked over to his bed, pushing Jane off before taking her place, in front of Edward. "Did you want to join us?"

"No, Bella." His voice was tense, the idea repulsed him.

I sighed. "Very well. Saves me the headache of convincing the others to let you come out and play."

He watched me for a moment, studying me, and I let him, before he crouched to study Jane. "How does this work, your power?"

I shrugged. "If I want time to stop, I just will it to. I find it easier to vocally say 'stop' and I usually do something with my hands. And it freezes. When I want someone to unfreeze I'll brush their arm and will it to happen, but I don't have to have physical contact. I can also unfreeze everyone at once, or a select group. Like in the clearing, I was able to unfreeze your coven and the werewolves, allowing them to retreat to safety before the guard unfroze."

Edward looked awed but slightly frightened. "And you can shield minds too?"

"I've always had my mind shielded, as you know since you were never able to read it, but once I was changed Aro helped me to figure out how far I could push the shield. We think the time freeze thing is an extension of my shield. I've learnt to extend my own mind shield to protect who I want it to, when I want it to. Jane despises me for it as her power won't work on me or whoever I protect from it." I smiled at my own abilities, I was proud of myself, it took a lot of effort to figure out and perfect my powers.

"Aro must be extremely pleased to have you a part of the guard."

I was mildly offended by his statement, but it was true. "He is also pleased to have you with us."

Anger flashed through his eyes. "I am not a part of anything."

"Then why are you still here?" I challenged him, kneeling up on the edge of the bed to be at his eye level.

He looked confused now. "Because your guard kidnapped me and brought me here."

"The Guard had nothing to do with it. If you want to leave, that is your choice."

His eyes looked to the door, then back to me. "Come with me, Bella."

"And go where Edward? My place is here, with my coven."

He grabbed my hand and moved closer to me. "No, it isn't. You belong with me, with my family."

I pulled my hand back; he was lying to me again. He had said he didn't want me, I couldn't go with him.

"Bella, come with me. Please." He held his hand out for me to take.

I shook my head. "No, Edward."

He sighed and leaned forward to kiss my forehead before taking off.

I remained for a moment on the bed before realizing what had just happened, he wasn't supposed to leave!

As I jumped from the bed and ran after him, time unfroze around me and I heard a sort of collision ahead of me. I guess Edward hadn't thought anyone would be moving and had literally ran into Felix, causing them both to pause for a moment and collect their bearings.

"Edward!" I called to him, smiling when he stopped and turned towards me. "Felix."

Felix grinned and pinned Edward back against the ground.

"What are you doing Bella?" Edward struggled to ask as he fought against my brother.

Felix laughed as he dragged him back to his room. "You thought you could just run away?"

"Bella, you said I could leave." Edward was angry now. Good.

"I said it was your choice," I corrected him, "and that wasn't supposed to be it."

We were silent for the rest of the short trip back to his room. Felix threw him past the door and left me alone with him, Heidi and Jane having left once they had unfroze.

"What did you mean, that wasn't _supposed_ to be my choice? Of course I want to leave!" Edward growled when the door closed.

He wanted to go home, to his coven, to his mate. "Well, you're supposed to stay. And you will."

"The Guard doesn't force anyone to stay with them," he challenged me.

"The Guard doesn't, but _I _don't play by their rules. You're staying under _my_ choice."

He looked at me, confused and hurt. "Why, Bella?"

I growled, he wasn't allowed to feel hurt, not yet. "Because you left me!"

"Bella..." He took a step towards me.

"No! You left me and now you have no choice but to stay until _I_ decide when _I'm_ done with you, when _I_ don't want _you_ anymore." I watched as he comprehended what I had said before leaving the room.

I had gotten emotional, I had let him see what I tried so hard to block. And I had just told him I wanted him. Shit. I didn't really know what I wanted. So I ran. I left the city; I left the country even, just running. I stayed hidden amongst the trees along the mountains mostly, entering the small towns at night to feed. I was battling against my human memories of who I was. I didn't know how to be anymore. I had lived for fifty-three years as I had learned from the Volturi, I had known no differently. But now I had the knowledge of who I used to be, how I used to think and act. It was quite the contrast and now I didn't know what I enjoyed more.


	4. Diff’rent Strokes

a/n: Okay, so I HATE to do this – but in order for everything to make sense, it needs to be done. Plus, everything should read a little bit more smoothly now as _osadczuk _has jumped on board and edited the crap out of it! Huge thanks to her for doing that, and cranking it out over the holidays!

_ETA: The lovely_ _Digsy Galley has also joined in for some beta'ing fun and tidied this up even more, shout out and thanks to her for that too!_

Thank you everyone for reviewing, hopefully you'll enjoy the little addition so much that you won't mind reading the same thing twice

Happy New Year!

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Bella had taken off. I had gathered this much from the minds within the Guard. For the past three days I had been left in my room, alone with nothing better to do then try to track what she was up to. However, this proved to be quite difficult as no one knew her whereabouts.

I sighed unnecessarily and lay back on the bed the room had been furnished with. I had never expected to see Bella again, especially not as her eighteen-year-old self. I had forbidden Alice from looking into her future the day we left Forks, fifty-three years ago, and she had complied. I knew leaving all those years ago was a mistake. Well, now I knew it. At the time I was convinced it was for the best, though it very nearly killed me.

I had been a mess for the first forty-nine years, wallowing in my own self-pity. It wasn't until recently that I had even returned to my family, and then, even more recently, back to Forks. We knew we might have difficulties with the Volturi when we welcomed Celia and Stettson into our coven last year, but it hadn't been until the last minute that Alice had seen anything regarding them. She had caught a slightest glimpse of the battle, which she had predicted would happen only two days later. We hadn't expected to survive. We were going to attempt to "talk it out" and the worst part was that Alice could not see how it would turn out.

The day came quickly, and soon we were confronted by a small army made up of most of the Volturi Guard, and her. She had been standing in the middle of the chaos. She looked the same, and yet better than she had the last time I had seen her. In heels and a short dress, she hardly appeared ready for battle, but when everyone was about to push forward to attack she quickly moved closer to the front line. It all happened so fast, too fast for even me to keep up with, but I remember Aro yelling her name and then suddenly I was in an airplane with Jane and Felix.

I had tried to reach out to Bella on the plane, but she fought my efforts with the assistance of the Guard. I began to doubt that I had actually seen her. I felt I was truly losing my mind! I thought I had seen Bella. I thought I had been transported, but the tipping point was when I couldn't read anyone's thoughts. Eventually Bella revealed herself. Then she told me of her powers and how her ability to shield her mind from my power could be manipulated to shield others, too.

Seeing Bella again was unlike anything I had ever experienced. All these years we had believed her to be living a life no one could track. She had run away from Forks, leaving everything and everyone she knew behind. She left a note for Charlie and Renee, explaining her need to move on and apologizing, but assuring everyone that she would be okay and that they should not try to find her. It had crushed me when I had received word of it, but she had promised me she would not do anything reckless – and if she was disappearing to better her life, I thought the note was the least she would do. Now to see her with the Volturi of all people – I couldn't even fathom how she came to be with them! I had briefly spoken to her about them when she was human, but I never thought she would retain the vague information. Maybe they had found her. Of course that begged the question who had created her? I had so many questions for her and so many things I needed to say to her, to tell her.

Bella was different now; so full of anger and hatred, but also confusion. She hadn't remembered anything of her human past until recently, when she had seen my family and me for the first time since her transformation. I berated myself for not looking for her sooner, for not thinking to look for her when she had run away. I could have ended our separation years ago, and she would never have had to live with the Volturi at all. Unfortunately she seemed to enjoy her new life and her life with the Guard. It nearly killed me when she left with Felix and Alec, only to come back with them, two human girls, and Demetri. I witnessed everything through their minds as she had let her shield down. So I was privy to their activities no matter how much as I tried to abstain and block them out. I destroyed most of the furnishings in my room while trying to focus on anything other than the activities taking place in Felix's room – but I had given up any legitimate right to be angry with her for what she was doing, what they were doing to her, fifty-three years ago.

Even with Bella absent from Volterra, I was still able to learn about who she was now – for example, she liked to make her own rules yet was rarely in trouble for disobeying orders which was surprising in a hierarchy like the Volturi. Everyone seemed to genuinely care for Bella, which I could understand completely. Only Jane and Cauis seemed to dislike her, and they were exceptionally happy that she had taken off. I listened as everyone else became increasingly worried as more time passed and she had yet to return. Eventually Demetri took off to find her. Although Aro had no faith in his ability to find her. Apparently her shield also blocked his power of tracking.

I was left in my room to be kept locked away until Bella returned or until I agreed to feed on a human. No one could be bothered to gather an animal for me or to take me hunting. So I was left to starve - my only company the thoughts of those within the walls of Volterra. I was solely Bella's prisoner, although Aro had quite a few thoughts about what to do with me if she decided not to return. Without Bella here to deal with me, I was left to be forgotten.

It was the third day after Bella's disappearance. For two days I had laid, unmoving, on the bed provided for me.

I heard the displeased thoughts of Heidi as she approached my room, 'Bella won't be happy about this.'

"Edward, you have a phone call," she announced as she opened the door.

I quickly stood and took the handheld from her. Her thoughts made it clear Carlisle was on the other end.

"Carlisle," I sighed into the phone, happy to finally have contact with him.

"Edward, son, I can't tell you what a relief it is to hear your voice." I could literally hear the tension and worry ease from his tone. "You disappeared from Alice's visions and we thought the worst, but she finally caught a glimpse of you and found you in Volterra?"

"Yes, it is a rather long story... I'm not sure how much time I have right now, but Bella is a part of the Guard and is holding me prisoner," I began to explain.

"Prisoner? But the Volturi-"

"They don't, but she does. It seems she didn't remember anything about her human past until she saw us in the clearing. She only now remembers what I put her though and seems confused and overwhelmed by what happened. She's angry that I left her but never had the chance to deal with it. So she's going though it all again."

There was a pause before he spoke again, "We will figure out a way to get you out, Edward. Something seems to still be blocking Alice from seeing you, but we will work around it."

"No, Carlisle. I appreciate the offer, but the family is already in jeopardy because of our size. There is no need to have any of you come here and tempt further conflict. Besides, I don't want to leave here without her. I can't lose her again."

"Very well, Edward I hope you have some sort of plan. The Bella we saw in the clearing was a different Bella than the human girl we used to know."

I sighed, "You don't know how different she is, the things she does...but she's still Bella."

"Time is up," Heidi announced, grabbing the phone from me and leaving without a second glance.

I heard her warn Carlisle to keep the family away from Volterra basically repeating my reminder of our standing with the Guard before rudely and abruptly ending the call.

I was left alone again in the solitude of my room. It was a relief to talk to Carlisle, to know that the family was okay, and that they knew I was okay. I knew they couldn't risk coming to Volterra, especially when I wasn't in any immediate trouble, but I had no idea how I was going to get myself out. I needed Bella to come back. I needed to talk to her, and I needed her to come home with me.

(bpov)

It was a week before I returned. I wasn't surprised that no one had found me. Demetri had been sent out to locate me when I didn't return home the morning after my disappearance. He would be frustrated when he returned, but he knew his ability to track was no match for me.

Aro had scolded me - once for leaving without a word and staying out of contact and once for leaving Edward, my prisoner. Because he refused to join them in the dining hall they hadn't few him, and they refused to bring him anything else. So now my first duty was to go fetch some sort of animal for him.

After unsuccessfully trying to hunt something down by myself I returned to his room for the first time since the night I fled.

"Come with me. We're going to hunt," I announced as I entered his room after knocking and receiving no response.

He was lying back on his bed when his tired voice answered me. "I told them and I've told you, I don't kill innocent humans."

"Not for humans, you picky, pathetic excuse for a vampire. For your meal of choice."

He sat up at this "You're letting me go out to hunt?"

"That is what I said." I hated repeating myself.

He walked towards me, suspicious. "You aren't afraid I'll try to escape?"

"I can freeze time. You won't get far. Ready to go?" I was interested to see how he hunted, as every time I had come near an animal it had run away from me, but of course I couldn't let him know that.

"Bella, I-"

I stopped him; I didn't want to hear anything other than, 'yes, let's hunt', "No talking. You need to feed."

We were silent as we left the city, running once we were out of view from the humans. He was fast, I could briefly remember Esme saying something about that when I was a human, but I was able to keep up with him easily.

We were quite far from the city now, surrounded by the mountains. I slowed down. "We've gone far enough, Edward."

He came back and stood beside me. "Are you going to try to hunt?"

"No, I think I'll sit this one out. I ate earlier."

He sighed in disapproval before going still, getting into what I presumed was hunting mode. I watched as he breathed deeply, closed his eyes, and suddenly shot to the west all without making a sound.

I followed him, watching as he approached a herd of deer. He snatched one in his arms before they every realized the danger they were in. I heard him break its neck before he lowered his head to its jugular and sunk his teeth into its fur.

I watched with my head cocked to the side as he drained the life from the animal. It was disturbing to see him drinking the blood of something with so much fur. It couldn't have tasted very good.

I stepped forward, wincing when a twig snapped under my foot, gaining Edwards attention. He jumped from the carcass and took off again, this time to the North. I followed him and was about to freeze him when I noticed we were approaching another heard of deer, and once again he went through the process of feeding. After the fifth deer, he tossed the carcass aside and lay back on the ground.

"Are you finished?" I asked him, remaining in my spot yards away.

He pushed himself up on his elbows and motioned for me to come and sit next to him.

I hesitantly looked around before allowing myself to join him on the damp ground. "What?"

"Bella, I am truly sorry for how I-"

I cut him off, "Don't, Edward."

"I need to, Bella. What you said last week, about not wanting you-"

I stood up, cutting him off again, "I said don't, Edward. Up until last week I only knew of my life with the Volturi. Do you understand what kind of life that is? I've known nothing other than to feel cold and detached from anything, anyone. And then I see your coven and I remember what it feels like to belong to a family, not just a coven. I remember what it feels like to have a mother and a father who love me. I remember how it felt to be with you, to feel an irrevocable need for something other than blood. And then I felt the pain of you leaving - telling me you no longer love me,; you no longer want me." I took a breath to calm myself down. "Maybe I should just send you back to your coven. I thought keeping you here, tearing you apart from your family and your mate and forcing you to be near someone you didn't want would work as some sort of vengeance, but instead I'm feeling all this pain that I never knew could exist."

He watched me silently, he looked sad and regretful. For what, I had no idea. I guess he never thought that fifty-three years would pass and I still wouldn't be over him.

I sighed and bit my lip, shaking my head to pull myself out of the moment. I turned and took a step to run, but before I could take off Edward was in front of me, wrapping his arms around me in an embrace.

"I am so sorry for the pain I've caused you, Bella. For what I did to you then and for how much pain it is causing you now. I never wanted this for you - to have to live in this life; suffer through eternity. If I had known-"

"If you'd known, you would have what? Tried to find me?" I interrupted him, pulling away and breaking his hold on me. "Why would you do that? Did you not put me through enough pain?"

I had hardly finished speaking before he snapped, his voice taking a tone I had never before heard from him. "Yes! Of course I would have tried to find you, Bella! I never meant to hurt you It was for the best, or so I thought at the time! To find out you've been living here as part of the Volturi - letting those vile men touch you; treat you like they do. It's killing me! It is not you, Bella!"

"It is me! Don't you get it? This is all I have known. I take pleasure in tormenting and killing others who break the rules, humans who happen to cross my path, and Jane who has hated me since she met me and realized her powers didn't work on me. To add to her distaste for me I make sure she knows what I do with her brother. The things I get him into.

"All of that is fun for me! Everything else is boring, mundane. I don't know how to sit still, and trust me, I've tried. For years I stood beside Aro, trying to find interest in sustaining the rules of our world, but unless it involved me going out and killing the deviants, I found no amusement. Nothing to keep me interested." I paused in my rant, looking at Edward who still looked sad. He should be angry and disgusted if my memories of his life were correct. Suddenly, I couldn't stand the thought of him judging me. "You should go home Edward. It was a mistake to bring you here."

"What?" He looked at me, utterly confused.

I smiled sadly, "Home - to your family, to your life."

"No, not without you."

"Did you not hear anything I just said? My life is killing, taking joy in the suffering of others-"

He cut me off, "It doesn't have to be, Bella. You remember. You know what else is out there now."

"Just because I know doesn't mean I can change."

"You don't have to change," he reasoned. I still didn't understand why he wanted me to come home with him, why he was trying so hard.

"You really think I would be allowed to join your coven without changing my feeding habits. Without submersing my need to kill? I highly doubt Carlisle would be okay with my lifestyle."

He was silent for a moment. "I'm not leaving you Bella. Not again. I can't."

I sighed, "If you don't leave, Edward, I will."

"I'll follow you," he replied without a moment's hesitation.

We stared at each other; I was waiting for him to break while trying to figure him out. I didn't understand. "What do you want fr-"

We were interrupted by Demetri's musical voice. "Bella, darling! And Edward! We thought the two of you had run away for good!"

I took in a breath and plastered a smile on my face before turning to face him. "Of course not, Demetri. Edward needed to hunt. You make it look quite easy, Edward."

"I could teach you," Edward offered, hopefully.

Demetri scoffed with a smile, "Carlisle's prodigy indeed."

"Ignore him," I advised Edward, "but I must decline your offer."

"Oh Bella, you would look quite stunning with the eye colour that seems to come from animal's blood," Demetri commented, watching my interaction with Edward carefully.

"Yes, she would," Edward agreed, watching my interaction with Demetri carefully.

My smile was tense; I was hardly up to becoming the object of a pissing match. "Maybe I'll invest in some contacts. Shall we head back?"

I didn't wait for a reply before I took off back to the city. I needed some time away from Edward and without the influence of Demetri. It felt as though so much had happened after years of perpetual non-existence since the day on the clearing. I needed someone to talk to; someone who could give me unbiased guidance. But there was no such person, alive or undead, who could do that while the Volturi were involved.


	5. My SoCalled Life

Update time! Yay!

Thank you everyone for your reviews, they always keep me entertained and are the fuel to my writing!

Thank you also for waiting for my untimely updates, my life doesn't quite allow me to get on here as often as I had hope. Also, I've called upon the powers of _Digsy Galley_ and she accepted and is ah-mazing, so huge thanks to her for joining in on this adventure and hopefully I'll be able to get updates posted more frequently.

Until next time. Enjoy :)

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5. My So-Called Life

I was confused. All this time I'd been living a life that the human me would have blushed at the mere thought of. Human Bella was so caring, so unselfish, so full of love and life. I only cared about myself and getting what I wanted. I didn't care who was hurt in the process if it meant getting my way. I didn't know how to love. I didn't even know what love was, until last week.

After feeling love and pain, not just greed and anger, I had to figure out what I wanted. I enjoyed my life, my existence; at least I thought I did. But knowing that there is another way to live, not just as a nomad, but knowing I was once capable of being part of a family, maybe that's what I wanted. Maybe somehow I knew this wasn't the kind of existence I wanted to live through. Maybe that's why I'd always been bored here in Volterra, always looking for a way to be out of the city, out and away from the Guard.

I was lying in my bed in the dark, trying to figure everything out when Alec and Felix approached my room.

"Hells Bells, we've missed you," Alec called as he and Felix entered my room, without knocking.

"Sorry, I needed to get away from everything. There are all these new things going on up here," I explained and tapped my head as they joined me in my bed.

"How's that all working out for you?" Alec asked, truly concerned for me. It was a nice feeling, to be cared about.

"It certainly makes me rethink some things. But those memories are from a different time, and only take up eighteen years of my existence. Compared to my other fifty three years of crystal clear memories, it doesn't even feel like my life."

Felix chuckled, pulling me to lay my head in his lap. "I remember when you woke up here. A scared and ferocious little thing you were."

"You couldn't remember anything about yourself, except your name and your age," Alec continued, lying down to rest his head on my stomach.

"I knew I shouldn't like you. That you two were all kinds of bad news," I added with a grin, laughing when Alec took my wrist and playfully nipped it.

Felix tugged on my hair. "Well, you weren't wrong about that. Yet you befriended us anyway."

"Such poor judgement on my part. But I knew no differently, what was a girl supposed to do?"

"You could have waited on Aro, as he had planned for you," Alec suggested.

I scoffed, "How boring that would have been. Besides I couldn't steal all the attention from your dearest sister."

"Oh how much she hated you! She would spend hours wailing about how much attention everyone gave you...actually all that still applies. She still loathes you."

"Ah, but for some different reasons now," Felix chuckled lowly, slipping his hand down my neck to my chest.

"Hands, Felix," I lightly scorned him, smiling when he sighed and moved his hand back to my hair. "I remember when Aro sent you, meand Alec, on our first mission without her. She was furious."

"Well, she thought she was being replaced," Alec explained what I already knew before suddenly going still.

"Edward, come to join us?" Felix called as I heard the door open.

I tilted my head to look towards the door to find Edward standing just inside my room.

"We were just remembering Bella's time with us," Alec informed him, neither him nor Felix moving from their positions.

"I'd like to hear about it, if you wouldn't mind?"

I quirked an eyebrow, he wanted to hear about what happened through these two? This should be interesting.

"Of course not. Come. Make yourself comfortable," Felix invited him over, patting my bed.

Edward looked to me for confirmation, to which I smiled, and he perched himself on the edge of the bed awkwardly.

"Oh, kick off your shoes, stay awhile. We have fifty three years to go through. And trust me, they are quite colourful," Felix told him with a grin.

Edward stayed quiet but pulled himself further onto the bed. It was a king, so there was a ton of room, even with the three of us clumped in the middle.

He looked so alone by the edge.

He was about to hear things about me that would probably repulse and hurt him, and the boys were going to have fun while exploiting my life, so I took pity on him and moved to the head of my bed, leaning back against the headboard.

The boys huffed and followed my lead, sitting up to form a kind of story circle on my bed.

"The story of Bella the vamp starts with Aro bringing home a screaming, scrawny, skinny little stick of a transforming human. He never told us where he got her from. All we knew was he couldn't read her memories, and that Jane's powers didn't work on her," Felix began, as if he were retelling some sort of fairy tale.

"Wait, you knew I was American." I reminded.

"Yes, we did know that. Anyway, my time to share Bella," Felix tutted, to which I stuck out my tongue. "Mature. So about half way through her transformation she went silent. All screaming, all groaning, all the flailing about, stopped. If it hadn't have been for her heartbeat we would have thought she was dead, or that she was done. So for the remaining day and a half we were all enthralled as to what was to happen to our dear Bella.

When she woke up, it wasn't pleasant. She bit, she clawed, she screamed bloody murder. It had been some time since any of us had dealt with a newborn, and after her weirdly peaceful change, we weren't quite expecting such a vicious awakening."

"Oh, I wasn't that bad."

Alec laughed, "No, you were worse."

"It is true. But it wasn't the normal newborn bloodlust, she was just angry, and she couldn't tell us why. For the first year she was a handful, dealing with her unknown anger and adjusting to our lifestyle, but she exceeded our expectations and calmed down quickly and soon she had control of her bloodlust and her strength.

She spent the next decade continuing to act out, rivalling Jane for the bitch title within our coven. Eventually Aro made a trip to America to find out more about her life as a human, where I believe he ran into your coven, Edward, and was surprised to find her in your memories."

We all looked at Edward who was listening intently. "I remember that. And I remember him linking you to his newborn. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but it makes sense now."

"Well your coven provided the insight we needed as to Bella's human life, and he shared the highlights of it with the rest of us."

"Everyone except me," I reminded them with a scowl.

"He had his reasons, Bella. Anyway, after that we had an understanding as to why Bella acted the way she did, even if she didn't remember. We eventually got her to calm down, tone down the bitch a bit, and she was able to focus on honing her powers."

"You make me sound like I was some uncontrollable beast. I had control; I just chose not to listen," I defended myself smugly.

"Okay Bells, we'll call it that if you'd like," Alec rolled his eyes playfully.

"Once she decided to listen, Aro was able to work with her, teach her how to make the most of her power. Learning to manipulate her shield, to expand and retract her ability to block was her first focus, since she didn't tell anyone about her little ability to fuck with time," Felix continued.

"I didn't know what I was doing." I reminded him. "I was scared shitless of being able to freeze time at first. I didn't know how it was happening, or why I was the only one who seemed unaffected by it. We were so focused on my shield that I just assumed someone else was responsible for it but since some things didn't work on me, the time freezing was just another attack I was immune to."

"When she eventually decided to tell someone about it, first she got in trouble, and then it was back to the classroom for some more learning."

"Trouble? Please, don't exaggerate Felix. I was scolded, like child who snuck an extra piece of candy after dinner."

Felix cackled, "If you consider being denied to feed a simple scolding."

Edward looked at me in concern.

I shrugged; it wasn't fun, but it wasn't horrible. Besides, the usual punishments, like enduring a session with Jane or Alec, didn't work on me. "It wasn't a big deal. I mean, it was torture as a newborn, I had to be held back and watch everyone feed, but it helped me to build resistance to humans, and now I can be around them without killing them."

"Clearly she experienced this a few times," Alec provided with a short laugh. "Tell us Edward, was she a rebellious teenager?"

"Not particularly," he answered shortly. I assumed the boys were thinking back to my rebellion, if the scowl on Edward's face revealed anything.

"Interesting. Well, the Bella we know and love is particularly rebellious. The worst thing you can do is tell her no," Felix went on.

I rolled my eyes, "Here we go."

Felix ignored me and continued, "She likes to be late to meetings, intervene Heidi's deliveries when they're on their way to the dining hall, go out when she's not supposed to, kill before we're given the word. She especially likes to use her power when she's asked not to."

I smirked, well, that was all true. "Oh come on, your lives were extremely boring before I came to be. And they would still be if I wasn't here. What's the point in living forever if you don't have fun?"

"If Aro didn't fear you, he'd have killed you long ago." Alec reasoned with awe.

"Please, Aro loves me. He gets off on me disobeying his orders," I scoffed, forgetting Edward was sitting with us. "It's only Cauis and Jane who have any problem with me...and I don't even know what Cauis' deal is. Maybe he has something going on with Jane we don't know about?"

"I'm sure that's exactly what Athenodora let's Cauis do in his spare time," Alec argued pathetically.

I laughed, "Oh right, I forgot Aro is more Jane's type. You do know she volunteer's herself to get into Aro and Sulpicia's weird mating rituals, right?"

"Bella," Alec whined, he hated thinking of his sister like that.

"Sorry," I grinned wickedly. "But that has to be awkward. Knowing he knows exactly what you're thinking about when he's touching you. Imagine if her mind wandered? You think it'd be insta-death?"

"Does your mind wander, Bella?" Felix cocked an eyebrow.

I didn't miss a beat, "Frequently."

The smirk instantly dropped from Felix's face. "You're a bitch."

I shrugged and looked to Edward, remembering he was sitting with us. He was gone. "When did we lose him?"

The boys looked clueless. How did all three of us miss him leaving?

"I'm going to go find him," I sighed and stood up from my bed. I waited at my door, holding it open when the boys remained on my bed. "Leave?"

"Someone's frustrated," Alec sang as they glided past me.

I glared. I wasn't frustrated. "Watch it, or I'll make sure you are more than frustrated."

Alec turned around to shoot me a look of mock horror before they turned down another hallway, leaving me to find Edward. It briefly crossed my mind that he might have fled, running from Volterra and back to his home, but I shrugged it off. He had been determined to stay with me, refusing to leave, only hours ago. I walked through the hallway and let my tracking senses take over. Edward's scent was already ingrained in my memory and it didn't take long to find his trail as it led me outside. I hesitated as the door closed behind me, maybe he did take off.


	6. Once and Again

A/N (ETA): Err, well that was embarrassing... Wow. Sorry to everyone who read the first post of this chapter! There were all kinds of notes in there that were not to be posted and were not in the doc I uploaded. I'm really embarrassed that this happened!

Thank you to those who left a review commenting on how it was all over the place and parts didn't make sense, etc..although, clearly there was a technical error as my previous chapters don't have the notes and comments within the text as this one did, so (some of) you didn't have to be quite so rude about it. A simple heads up would have sufficed. But, I accept the "you fucked up" at face value, and thank you for pointing it out.

Moving along, I've fixed it all up and the weird text that was laced within the original posting is now gone so everyone can read without an interrupting comment.

Original A/N: Surprise! A new chapter for everyone to enjoy, and within 2 weeks of my last update! Shocking. I know! We must give credit where it is due though, and without the lovely _Digsy Galley, _ it would probably have been a much longer wait for this, so mad props to her for being amazing and beta'ing this journey of epic proportions.

Before I finish here, I want to thank you guys for the reviews, you all are awesome! And ask that you keep em coming and keep letting me know what you think!

Enjoy!

* * *

I could take a hint. Edward didn't want to be found at the moment.

I had followed his scent outside, then back inside and up and down the numerous tunnels we had within our home. I had given up after five minutes of trying to track him and made my way back to my bedroom, to my balcony.

The sun was shining today without a single cloud in the sky, and I basked in it. The boys commented ruefully on my love for the sun. I was a vampire, we generally avoided the sunny days, and I was an exception apparently. I loved to lounge on my balcony and feel the warmth of the sun attempt to seep into my marble skin.

Seeing my skin sparkle now brought forth a different feeling than when I would watch it in the past. I now had the memory of seeing Edward in the sun for the first time I had been mystified. He was beautiful. Hell, he was still beautiful. But now, I had my own sparkle to show off. As fascinating as it was, it really did make it hard to go out during the day.

I had been lying in the sun, alone, with only my thoughts, so I didn't miss the sudden, sharp, unnecessary, intake of breath from Edward, who had just stepped onto my balcony. I'm sure I made quite the image, lounging in the sun in a blue bikini, as if I were trying to tan my forever pale body.

He cleared his throat and I heard him adjust himself before asking, "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like? I am in desperate need of a tan, wouldn't you agree?" I laughed, opening my eyes to find him gawking at me. "I'm kidding. It was a joke."

He didn't respond, letting silence envelop us instead as he shifted uncomfortably.

I eyed him suspiciously. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"The shifting, the fidgeting, you don't have to hide here," I explained as I sat up in my chair, my sparkling body was a prime example of not hiding.

He paused to think about it. "Habit, I guess."

I cocked an eyebrow. I didn't understand how something we had to remember to do could become a habit. "Right...well, stop with it all. You're already strange enough with your eyes, the fidgeting is just unnerving."

"I apologize for making any of you uncomfortable," he drawled sarcastically.

I smirked, a little more of that attitude and he'd fit in quite well within the coven. I stood up and made my way inside. "Apology accepted."

It took a moment, but as I expected, he had followed me into my room as I pulled out a tight navy blue, long-sleeved dress to change into.

"Untie me?" I asked of him before he could attempt to leave. Testing him and my memories of him had quickly become my favourite pastime.

He stopped breathing for a moment. "What?"

"My top, could you get it for me?" I asked again, turning around and pulling my hair over my shoulder to show him the bows holding it together around my neck and back.

I heard him exhale before slowly, slower than any human would, making his way towards me. I stood still as he approached me, listening to every movement he made, until finally he stood directly behind me.

"You just pull on the free ends, like a shoelace," I instructed teasingly when he made no further movement.

Finally I felt the pull on my top as he untied the bow around my back and almost before I could hold the cups against me to stop them from completely falling away, he had untied the string from around my neck, and then he was gone.

I was surprised to feel a sting of rejection as I looked around the room, shocked at his retreat. I quickly changed into my dress, tugging lightly at the hem which fell mid-thigh, trying to make it just an inch longer.

As I replayed everything in my mind I was suddenly assaulted with the image of Edward protecting that girl in the clearing. His ultimate distraction I supposed. I felt the anger and hurt build up quickly at the reminder of our 'break up' and the girl he now called his mate. Of course he would feel uncomfortable undressing me when he was attached to someone else. But yet, he still did it. He could have easily refused me, but instead he took the steps and unclothed me, without argument. For someone who no longer wanted me, he was certainly giving me a lot of attention. I huffed as the confusion, anger and hurt continued to build and grabbed my robe to meet Aro in the chamber.

"Oh excellent, you already know!" Aro exclaimed when I entered the room.

I raised an eyebrow in confusion, I didn't know anything and I was in no mood to play his games. "Know what?"

His face crumpled in misunderstanding. "Bella, my dear. Come, talk to me, let me know what is going on. Something is troubling you greatly; you are simply stewing in anger."

I scoffed, but shrugged him off. "I'm fine. Now what is it you assumed I knew?"

"If you are sure," he eyed me carefully, "I am sending you, Alec and Felix to take care of an indiscretion that has been brought to our attention. He is not one to fear, you have certainly dealt with worse, he has simply decided to play against our laws and must be dealt with."

I grinned; this was exactly what I needed at the moment. "Where are we going?"

"Germany. You do not want to know what he did?" he asked me in concern. Usually I was the only one to care enough about who did what to deserve death by our hands. This time I could care less.

"You have never given me a mission outside of our laws in the past, I think it is safe to assume you would not start now, so why waste the time?" I answered dutifully. I had learned early on to give Aro praise if I wanted to slip something by him, like dangling something shiny in front of a child.

"Very well, I appreciate your unwavering trust, my dear Bella. Felix and Alec have the specifics and should be waiting for you outside."

I nodded with a smile, "Thank you, Aro."

"Be safe," Aro called as I was about to slip out the door.

I froze and my eyes flashed to him. Suddenly his usual departing words had a double meaning. Be Safe. The bastard! A growl slipped out and before he could react I took off to find Alec and Felix.

"Bells?" Felix called as I ran past them, slowing down a bit for them to catch up.

"Just lead the way, Aro said you had the specifics. This one's mine."

"What happened?" Alec asked as we continued to run North through the sparse brush.

I didn't answer him. I just wanted to lose myself in the run, in the kill. I had never felt such strong emotions before, except for when I was a newborn, and I didn't know how to handle them.

"Bella! Stop!" Felix shouted, throwing himself at me and taking me down, making rather large dent in the ground below us.

I growled and shoved at him. "Get the fuck off of me, Felix!"

"No!" he growled right back, holding me against the earth.

I growled again in warning before using everything I had to push him off of me, he moved only a fraction, but it was enough for me to slip out from under him. We both jumped to our feet in a defensive crouch. Alec, in the meantime was standing off to the side, watching as we held our positions, ready to attack.

Just as I saw Felix about to launch at me again he was pushed to the ground by someone else. They both growled and began to wrestle against each other on the ground.

"Enough! Edward! Felix!" I bellowed before it could get too out of hand.

Felix immediately separated himself and stood up, but Edward followed him, hissing as he tried to bring him back to the ground.

"Edward, I said enough!" I tried again as he tried his hardest to make Felix budge.

With a sigh, realizing he wasn't going to listen, I flicked my wrists out and froze everyone. I took a moment, as I usually did, to enjoy the world at a standstill, before letting Felix and Alec join me.

"Well that was amusing," Alec mused as he became animated again.

Both men had become accustomed to my power and they were never too fazed anymore when I would release them from their momentary time lapse.

Felix narrowed his eyes, "Annoying, would be a more appropriate word. And you love this guy?"

"Loved. I don't know how I feel anymore," I corrected, "now let's continue. He can stay here, we'll be long gone by the time it wears off."

"You're not worried about him going back to his coven?" Alec questioned, joining me as I began to run again.

"He's here on his own free will, which I don't understand, so don't ask me why. If he decides to leave while we do this, then that is his choice."

Felix suddenly let out a loud half scoff, half laugh. "You don't understand why? Please, Bella, the kid is so infatuated with you it's nauseating."

I smiled, as nice as that would be, I knew he was wrong. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Bells, come on. You've always been extremely perceptive, you can't tell us you haven't noticed, haven't felt, what he puts off towards you," Alec stated as we continued to put more distance between us and Volterra.

I shook my head. "When I was human, we were in love, or at least I was, and he broke up with me. He said he didn't want me."

"Well, he lied," Alec declared, bluntly.

"Ask Aro, if you can't believe us," Felix interrupted what was about to be my dismissal of Alec's statement.

"What would Aro know of this?"

Felix chuckled, "Every thought Edward's ever had, about you."

"And he just told you this?" I asked doubtfully.

"It was more like a warning," Alec smirked, which I had caught in my peripheral vision.

I stopped running; Aro was once again plotting and involving the Guard about me, behind my back. "So not only did Aro tell everyone, except me, about my past that I couldn't remember, but he has also warned everyone that Edward 'lied' about not wanting me, and that he still loves me?"

"Essentially," Alec shrugged, as both men stopped running with me.

I felt my chest tighten in anger as my jaw clenched. The whole game of keep away from Bella was quickly growing old. I tried to reign in my emotions and instead used them to fuel me as I took off running again. Alec and Felix were quick to catch up and run by my side, allowing me my silence as the anger began to consume me.

We had run the whole trip in silence and I was still fuming. Felix had informed me on what this guy looked like and why we had been sent for him. I heard him tell me these details, but I didn't comprehend them, they didn't matter to me at this point. I was beyond reason and just wanted something to take my anger out on. I was pretty sure Alec and Felix were both relieved, yet discontented that I wasn't taking it out on them.

We reached our destination in record time and quickly found our guy. He was blonde, tall and muscular. Although not as big as Felix or Emmett, he would definitely be a challenge to me and the venom pooled in my mouth as I anticipated the fight. Yes, I was a scrapper, and the best part was no one ever expected it.

My approach was simple and routine. After I observed him for a few moments, I left Felix and Alec and made my way closer to him. We were on the edge of a small town, in the middle of the day, and I knew I had to be careful not to expose ourselves as I "amended" our little problem.

The vampire sensed my presence and immediately lowered into a defensive crouch, letting a low growl rumble from his chest. As soon as I stepped into his view, however, all signs of attack dropped. Gone was his growl as he stood up straight and puffed out his chest to show off. I rolled my eyes at his attempt to warrant my attention.

"I didn't know anyone else was in this part of Germany," he greeted me casually as I continued to make my way towards him.

I grinned slyly, "Well, surprise!"

"Surprise indeed," he drawled, his eyes shamelessly roaming my body as I came to stand directly in front of him, "what might your name be?"

"Isabella. Volturi," I smirked, "that would make you Connor, correct?"

"Bitch," he snarled before he tried to make a run for it, but I was a little more agile than he and I quickly stopped him by grabbing his throat and throwing him to the ground.

"Now, now, no need for the name calling," I teased, continuing to block his efforts to get away. "It seems someone hasn't been a very good vampire lately. Such a shame."

He quickly grew agitated with my game of 'shove Connor to the ground' and soon began to fight back rather than try to escape, it was playtime.

I easily dodged everything he tried to throw at me, he was big, which slowed him down a bit, so it was easy for me to slip by him quickly, pummeling him as I practically danced around his frame. Too soon, however, I realized we were getting too close to the town and in that moment Connor took the opportunity to try to gain the upper hand.

As soon as I turned to brace myself for his impact, my not-so-bright knight, decided to make his appearance, sending both of them tumbling through the trees. Felix and Alec were quick to stop them from rolling out onto the un-shaded, busy road just past the tree line, throwing Connor back towards me.

I kicked out his knees and with one firm pull I ripped his head from his body. Playtime was over, and I wasn't done yet.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I roared, barely noticing the birds that took flight in fear.

Edward looked shocked, a bit frightened even, as he stopped his approach towards me, but he still held a look of righteousness. "You needed help."

"I was fine! And if I wasn't, I have Felix and Alec to back me up. They were sent on this mission. Not you, you are not supposed to be here!"

"Bella, I couldn't just stand there and let him hurt you-"

"Yes, you could have, especially considering he wouldn't have hurt me. Instead you jump in and we almost expose ourselves. Fuck, Edward."

"Pretty sure that's exactly what she wants to do," Felix remarked to Alec quietly. But I had heard it, and I wasn't happy about it.

Without blinking I had whipped the head I was holding at Felix. He hadn't even noticed it as it flew directly towards his face and had no time to react and try to catch it or move out of the way. As the head collided with Felix's face I couldn't help but smirk at the loud crack the resounded around us.

"Bitch," Felix muttered once he regained his composure, throwing the head into the fire Alec had started.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Edward apologized, gaining my attention again.

I scoffed. "Just go home, Edward."

"Home?"

"Yes, home. To your coven," I explained further.

His face fell. "I already told you, I'm not going anywhere, not without you."

"Why?" I asked him, this was it. I needed to know the truth.

He stared at me. He looked torn, like he was trying to figure out what to tell me, what I wanted to hear.

I decided to make it a little easier for him, to hear what I needed to hear from him. "Did you lie to me?"

Confusion crossed his face before a look of realization. I guessed he had heard something from one of the guys' mind as his eyes quickly flickered to them before coming to rest on me again.

"Edward?"

"Yes," he breathed out lowly.

I felt a surge through my body, like my heart was trying to beat. "You love me."

"Yes," he whispered, holding my eyes with his own.

I clenched my jaw and broke our connection. "Go home, Edward."

He panicked and grabbed for my hand, which I pulled away immediately, "Bella."

"Not only did you lie to me, forgetting all of that, and what that led to; you have a mate back in America. Someone who is probably going insane with worry and yet you're here, refusing to leave."

"What?" He looked utterly confused.

"Don't tell me you forgot about her," I scoffed in bewilderment, "you're a bigger jackass then I thought."

"Bella, I don't know who you are talking about. I don't have a mate."

"The girl you had behind you, in the clearing. Straight, almost black hair?" I was angry that I had to remind him of her, the poor girl.

He smiled then, as if forgetting her was a funny joke. "Bella, she is not my mate."

I raised an eyebrow, wanting him to continue.

"Her name is Celia, her and her brother, Stettson, joined our family a few years ago. She has since found a mate, but it's not me," he explained further.

"She has a mate but you don't include him as a member of your coven?"

He sighed. "It's complicated."

I watched him carefully. My initial anger had subsided in learning he was not mated, was not with anyone, but I was still upset. "You should still go home."

I turned around to walk towards Felix and Alec, who looked confused, but Edward grabbed my arm, spinning me around to face him again. "You're walking away?"

I frowned, "Oh. Right, that's you're thing right? Well, go ahead."

"Bella, I'm not leaving," he told me, again.

"Well you should. You have no reason to stay here," I shrugged.

"I love you, Bella."

I rolled my eyes at his admission. "That's great, Edward. But it doesn't change that you lied. You lied to me and you left me, alone in a forest."

"I had to, Bella. You were in constant danger, and then when I told you I didn't want you, you were so quick to believe me-"

"No! No, you don't get to blame any of that on me! I loved you, I was ready to end my life for you to be with you! In fact, I did exactly that! I'm here now because of you! And all this time, we could have been together, but instead you lied to me because you couldn't man up to change me yourself so I came to Aro and begged him to change me.

"You said it was killing you, that I've been living with the Volturi. That I fuck whoever I want, let them touch me in ways that you never would. It's your fault. All of it."

He stood in front of me shocked. He looked maybe like he was going to be sick, but mostly he looked defeated.

"Go home, Edward," I finished before kissing his cheek and then taking off, back towards Volterra.


	7. Alice, I Think

A/N: Helllooo everyone! I hope you guys are still with me! I've had a crazy whirlwind of a life lately, which has slowed down at the moment, enough so I could at least get this next installment done! Originally when I wrote this, it was all from Bella's prospective, so this next chapter is all completely new and was a work in progress since the last chapter.

Thank you everyone for the reviews! The last chapter had a little issue at the beginning when I uploaded it and you guys were lightening fast to make sure I knew that and got it fixed, so I thank you for that!

Thank you also to _Digsy Galley_ for doing her thing to make sure everything reads well and smoothly and just makes sense...because sometimes I write at 3am and my fingers can't quite keep up with my brain and weird things end up being written.

On with the show, enjoy!

* * *

Epov

I stood in the small clearing for hours after Bella, and subsequently Felix and Alec, had left. I didn't move. I didn't breathe. I just stood there as if I was waiting for something to happen. And maybe I was, I didn't know. All I could focus on was what Bella had admitted to me in her rage and outburst of anger.

She _died_ for me. She was here now because, as she said, I couldn't man up to change her myself. I had left her, when all she wanted was to be with me, regardless of the sacrifice. I messed up. No, it was more than that. I _fucked_ up. And I had no idea how to fix it.

Facts: I love Bella. I want to be with Bella. I want both of us to go home, to Forks, to _our_ family. Bella is a part of the Volturi. Bella told me to go home. Bella blames me, rightfully so, for everything that has happened to her. Bella hates me. I hate me.

I think I stood in the same spot for at least a day, my list of facts running on loop alongside Bella telling me it was my fault, before she turned and ran away from me, just like I had done to her. I really was a monster.

I heard the growling before I felt it coming from my own chest, and suddenly I was running back to Volterra.

I needed to talk to Bella, apologize again for my idiocy. I would do whatever she asked of me to make things right. There needed to be a way for me to be in her life again, as undeserving and selfish as it may be.

"Well, well, who do we have here?" Felix's voice boomed through the passage-way as I tried to make my way to Bella's room. _I should really kick your ass for attacking me earlier._

"I only did it to protect Bella," I explained, not wanting to offend the oaf.

"Yes, see, about that," he paused to think. _You're a fucking idiot._ "She does not need your protection so much anymore. Nor does she want it, to be quite honest."

"I was trying to help."

"Well that is great, but if you even want a chance with Bella, you are going to have to stop 'trying to help'. It only pisses her off. She's a big girl, Cullen. She can handle herself."

I remained quiet, he was right. She could handle herself now; she wasn't a breakable human anymore. But she was _Bella_ and she would always need some kind of protection in my mind.

"Alright, I am not going to do this for you, because honestly, you irritate me and since you have been here Bella has stopped coming out with us, and she was fun. But, I think you can make Bella happy, and in the end that is all I care about. So, if you want to try to make amends with her, I can help you out; give you some pointers in dealing with Bella and making her happy. If you think you can handle that of course," Alec offered, ignoring Felix's confused glare beside him.

"I think I know how to make Bella happy," I ground out, the idea of Alec being able to tell _me_ how to please _Bella_ was preposterous.

_Why is Alec even trying?_ Felix thought, rolling his eyes.

"And now it is that kind of attitude that will get you no-where here or with Bella. You knew her for what? A year? We have known her for fifty-three, and regardless of that, she is a different person, with different needs now. She is not the Bella you knew when she was human," Alec reminded me.

I once again remained silent. As much as I didn't want to admit he was right, he was. I mean, surely Bella was still the same underneath the years of our separation, it is a general rule in our world that change happens quite infrequently, but she did have different needs now, like the need to drink blood.

"I will take your silence as an understanding that you have much to learn about Bella. When you can handle learning about her, come and find me. Though, I suggest you come to terms sooner rather than later, Bella is more flight than fight when it comes to emotional situations and when she runs, it is nearly impossible to find her," Alec explained in warning.

_Understatement of the century, _Felix's thought accompanied his smirk.

I sighed in frustration, pinching the bridge of my nose before succumbing to Alec's offer. "Are you busy now?"

_There we go, that wasn't so hard was it?_ Alec smiled and shook his head. "Follow us."

"Whoa, us? I did not agree to help the idiot so he could attempt to take Bells away," Felix tried to decline any involvement in helping me.

"I am helping him either way, so whether you join us or not, won't make much of a difference," Alec told him bluntly before continuing to lead me to Bella's room.

_I really loathe you sometimes,_ Felix thought with a glare, his hatred directed to Alec, rather than me this time, but he followed along regardless.

"So, as you already know, this is Bella's room," Alec provided as we entered the room, "this is where she has retired to when she has wanted to be alone for the past fifty-two years."

"Her first year here, as we have explained previously, was quite colourful and she ended up demolishing her first room on her first birthday," Felix informed me off my curious look.

"Did she not like it?" I asked.

"It was not so much that she did not like it, however that did play a factor, but it was more of a temper tantrum brought on by the frustration she had from not being able to remember her human life," Felix explained with a chuckle.

"She's a feisty one, Edward, and extremely powerful. From what Aro has told us of your memories of her, she has changed quite a lot," Alec continued, "but before any of our details about her can help you, you need to understand that someone, anyone trying to protect her, pisses her off."

"Actually, that mostly pertains to you, no one here ever made the mistake to _try_ to protect her. She is virtually indestructible, and you need to understand that, _Bella_ needs you to understand that," Felix emphasized, "and if you cannot comprehend that she is no longer helpless then you should probably head on home now."

"I can respect that," I answered, completely aware that the knee jerk reaction to protect Bella would probably never stop.

"I don't believe you, but I hope for Bella's sake you can. There are quite a few things in this life that Bella completely despises," Alec was quick to call my bluff and continue on.

"Being protected is number one on that long, long list. Next is being wrong, the girl can't seem to handle the humility that comes with being incorrect and because of that she is simply a fountain of information, and so you can imagine how much she hated that she could not remember her past," Felix paused a moment to reflect Bella's frustration, "and she also loathes surprises, lies and being treated like a child. So good luck with that."

Okay, with the information they were giving me, it seemed like they wanted me to believe I had no chance at making amends with Bella.

"I've never treated her like a child," I couldn't help but defend myself.

"That's not what Aro picked from your memory," Felix chided, "And anyways, we were only listing what she does not enjoy, we were not placing blame."

"Well then, what does she enjoy?" I asked, ignoring his statement about Aro. Immediately I regretted the question as both Felix and Alec began thinking of Bella in the throes of passion,_ enjoying_ their touch. "Forget it."

"Cullen, wait," Alec called to stop me.

"Well did you at least pay attention to what I was doing?" Felix smirked, talking at the same time as his brother, "she lets out the sexiest noise when you touch her-"

"Touch who's what, Felix?" Bella asked with an arched eyebrow, appearing seemingly from no where, ending my torture of their memories.

Felix smirked and approached her, his hand reaching out to her, "You, and right he-"

"Don't touch me," Bella hissed, grabbing Felix's offending hand and bending his arm back, "and _do not_ _think_ about me."

"Okay!" Felix surrendered, pulling his arm free, "Jeez, Bells, what crawled up your ass?"

I watched as she narrowed her eyes and stared at him in silence, as if contemplating what to do, and then her eyes refocused and she shook her head. I guess she had thought better of her plans.

"What are you still doing here?" she asked, turning to me with the same angered look as before.

"We need to talk, Bella," I explained whole heartedly, hoping she was feeling the same pull as I felt in her presence, the same one I had felt when she was human, minus the bloodlust.

"_We_ do not need to do anything, y_ou_ need to leave," she stated, stepping to the side as if to let me pass.

"I'm not leaving without talking with you first," I tried to compromise, trying to break though the anger I still felt rolling off of her.

"And what is it you think we're doing right now? Are we not talking? Are words not being exchanged between us?" she challenged, cocking her eyebrow again.

Alec was right, she was feisty. And much more sarcastic than she used to be.

"Yes, that's what I thought. You can go now," she grinned with the fakest smile I had ever seen her give.

"Bella, please,"

"You know, you really shouldn't beg, Edward. It is not very becoming of you, well, unless of course you have much less clothing on and are simply writhing in anticipation," she suggested sexually, causing Alec and Felix to recall their own instances when she had made them beg.

I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to block their thoughts.

"Now, now boys, remember he can read those thoughts of me you're having," Bella sang sadistically, visibly enjoying the torture she was delivering to me.

_Edward? Stay where you are, I'm around the corner._ Alice's thoughts nearly screamed at me and I almost jumped in surprise before I turned to look at the door, just in time to see her let herself in.

"Don't be such a bitch, Bella," Alice chastised as she danced over to me and pulled me into a hug.

"What are you doing here?" Bella and I both questioned at the same time.

"I'm here to bring you home," Alice answered sadly as she stepped away from me.

I desperately looked to Bella and saw a flicker of hurt flash across her features.

"Good, maybe you can talk some sense into him, seeing as he refuses to listen to me," Bella mused, her annoyance and attitude back in place as if it had never left.

"Well I had originally intended on bringing you home too, but none of my visions show you accompanying us," Alice explained coldly.

"Considering this is my home, you wouldn't be bringing me very far," Bella rebutted firmly, watching Alice and I with harsh eyes.

"This is better than a Jane-Bells fight," Felix whispered as he nudged Alec, both of their thoughts again going to their sexual escapades with Bella.

_She sure is a stubborn one, Edward. _Alice thought as she observed this new Bella and the men behind her. _She simply oozes sex and control, you definitely have your-_

Suddenly everyone's thoughts were silenced, Alice in mid sentence to me. "Damn it, Bella."

Alice looked at me and I could tell by her expression that she had asked me a question in her mind, worried by my cursing and lack of response to her thought – which I could no longer hear.

"Oh I'm sorry, was she in the middle of telling you something?" Bella asked me sarcastically, before turning to Alice, "we share with the class here."

"She can extend her shield so I can't hear anyone's thoughts, it's not just her mind that is silent right now," I explained to Alice, watching as her eyes lit up in understanding and pride.

"That's awesome, Bella!" Alice exclaimed, ignoring Bella's obvious distaste for us, acting as though the past fifty-three years hadn't been spent apart, "I was just telling Edward that you're all kinds of _feral_ and _sensuous_. He has his work cut out for him."

"Alice," I hissed, she was completely disregarding the tension in the room.

"His _work_ cut out for him?" Bella scoffed, "for what?"

"Bella, I know you're hurt and confused and everything you've known has been turned upside down, but Edward loves you. And you love him," Alice stated, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

"Oh, I do? Well, of course! I mean, if the all-seeing _Alice_ says it's so, it must be true," Bella exaggerated, turning again to me, "Edward! I am terribly sorry for not realizing this sooner! What a fool I am to need _Alice _to tell me how I feel!"

"Bella," I sighed, she didn't need to extend her hate for me to Alice.

"Hush, Edward," Bella placed her finger to my lips to silence me and wrapped her arm around me endearingly, I wished for a moment longer to believe her intentions were honest and true, but it was dashed as she continued her façade, "Now tell me Alice, do you _see_ us living happily ever after? Please, tell me what you _see_ of my future."

Alice looked hurt, finally accepting that Bella didn't care for us and felt no guilt in making a mockery of our love for her.

"Oh that's right, I forgot, you can't see anything in regards to my future, silly me," Bella shrugged in feigned innocence, but the guise was short lived as a malicious smirk marred her perfect face.

I was frozen in place, Bella's arm still wrapped around me, as I realized, for the first time ever, I had thought of Bella as anything less than perfect. She was cruel and vicious in her attack against my innocent sister. I felt my heart tear with a new pain, for as much as I loved Bella, I wouldn't be able to compete with the monster consuming her, the monster I had created.

"Bella," I groaned, fighting against everything my body yearned to do, as I pulled her arm from around my waist and took a step _away_ from her. "Alice didn't deserve that."

Again I saw a flash of hurt betray her tightly controlled emotions, it lingered a moment longer than before and then it was gone and angry Bella was back. "She didn't _deserve_ that? She left, just like you did, and she didn't even say goodbye. So you think about that before you tell me who does or doesn't deserve what I say."

"Don't blame Alice for that, Bella. I told her she couldn't," I admitted, ashamed by my actions, so stupid and selfish.

"Well that excuses everything, I mean, your word is law," Bella scoffed, "I wonder if you told your family to jump off a cliff, if they would do it."

"Alright! That is enough!" Alice shrieked, "Bella, I am _so_ sorry I never said goodbye. You're completely right. We did treat Edward's word as though it was law, and it was wrong and horrible of us to do so, but what's done is done and there are only so many ways to apologize for what we've done.

You should know the family has been a wreck since that day. Edward didn't even live with us for the first forty-five years; he holed himself up in some attic down south, refusing to talk to us, refusing to hunt."

"Alice, stop," I hissed, unwilling to relive that time, for Bella to know what had become of our family.

"No, Edward, she needs to know what you, what _we,_ went through because of your decision to _protect her_," Alice argued, angry at me for putting us in this situation and angry at Bella for not understanding.

"To _protect me_? Really, Alice? You'd think with that power of yours, you would have been able to at least see the 'event' that transpired, that led to _this_. He left because he was 'bored'; he 'didn't want me anymore'. I hardly believe he was holed up in some room when he was away. He had 'distractions' to consume his time," Bella remarked, my heart sank as she repeated the words I had used to make her believe my lie, the words she still believed.

"Don't tell me that's what you told her?" Alice asked me, baffled, before turning to Bella, "And you believed him? You're both idiots."

"You know what? I'm bored of this conversation and I'm bored of you, the both of you," Bella drawled, "Can you just continue with the reason you're here, and take him home?"

Suddenly a switch was flipped and the thoughts of Volterra were once again flooding my mind, causing me to hiss and grab at my hair.

"Edward!" Alice yelped, jumping in front of me in a crouch and growling at Bella, Alec and Felix.

"Oh calm down, he's fine. Back to his old tricks of intruding on your thoughts," Bella explained tiredly, "when I return it would be in your best interest to be gone."

"Bella," I called, catching her arm as she tried to move past me.

She sighed and removed my hand, holding it for a moment. "Do you not get tired of hearing me tell you to leave?"

"I will _always_ love you, Bella," I professed, lifting her hand, which still held mine, and pressing my lips to her wrist, where the scar from James still appeared.

"Please, go," she whispered, her voice void of all the hatred, anger and sarcasm it had held only moments ago, instead she sounded scared and defeated.

_She hasn't decided in finality yet, but I get flashes of her in our future, or flashes of nothing in our future, to be more specific, she's at least considering it._ Alice's thoughts shouted at me.

"Always," I promised once more, squeezing her hand and releasing it before following Alice through the tunnels and out of Volterra.

_Are you okay, Edward?_ Alice asked, silently, as we came to a stop somewhere near Florence.

"I don't know, Alice. I mean, I guess I am. Bella is one of us, she's here, she's alive, but she wants nothing to do with me, which is completely understandable, considering the hell I've put her through," I mused, trying to make sense of what I felt and how I wanted to proceed.

_Edward, shut up. She still loves you, as big of a bitch as she was back there. She doubts her life within the Volturi. She's so indecisive right now, most times I can see us, at home and then sometimes I can't get a read on anything – which means she's involved somehow. _

"Well we should stay close to Volterra, in case she decides to come back with us. Maybe with us here it will encourage her to make her decision faster," I theorized, running through different things to do to help our cause.

_No, we're going home alone in all futures. She won't come back with us. I think the sooner we go back, the sooner she'll come back._

"I can't leave without her, Alice, not again."

_You have to if you want her to come back at all._

I watched as Alice replayed her visions for me, trying for me to understand that I had to play by someone else's rules, Bella's rules. I would do anything, for anyone, if it meant I could have Bella back in my life. I would join the Volturi, if that's what it took, but Alice hadn't had a vision of that happening. Maybe Bella would come home before I would make the final decision to come back to Volterra, to offer my gift and my life.


	8. LOST

Hola my readers! I hope everyone is enjoying the summer so far!I'd say "How about Eclipse?" But I have yet to see it! It's a tragedy really, but I think I will be saved sometime this week, hopefully. The irony is that I was a part of the promo team for a big line up of events that took place the weekend prior to the release, hyping everyone up to go see it. There was a free screening of New Moon, a bunch of autographed give-aways, soundtracks, etc, and yet, I failed to personally execute the lead up. Maybe if they were faster on getting me my paycheque…I always end up putting money back into the companies I work for, it's unfair lol

Anyway, our story here scoots right along, keeping up with my set quick pace and we get to see a little more of Bella's relationship with Alec and Felix, and Aro.

The next chapter is long and already sent to the lovely _Digsy Galley_ who edits the chapters and makes sure rules are obeyed. I send her mad props for helping me out :) And also, thank you all so so much for your reviews and comments! They are the crack of fanfiction!

For now, enjoy chapter eight! And lemme know whatcha think!

Happy Tuesday!

* * *

8. LOST

It had been weeks since my trip to Germany, since Alice had come to Volterra and taken Edward back to America. Weeks of being miserable, of trying to resume normality, to what Alec, Felix and Heidi had taken to calling B.E, Before Edward. I simply didn't know what to do anymore. I was lost, yet I had never known more. I remembered my past; I finally knew who I was before becoming a vampire. I knew that Edward loved me, that the girl back in Forks wasn't his mate and that he was willing to live with me in Volterra if I wouldn't go away with him. He was everything I had wanted when I was a human; the reason I came to Aro in the first place.

Human Bella would have awkwardly scrambled to Edward at first sight, launched herself into his arms without a second thought, and she probably would have cried too. She cried an awful lot, that girl. Me. Human Bella was me, I was her, yet I am completely different. I don't cry. I _can't_ cry. Even if I could, I wouldn't.

At my first glace at Edward my world fell apart, or came together, I'm not sure what I can consider it at this point, and I kidnapped him. I felt anger and rage and a substantial amount of jealousy, all for a boy I didn't even remember. But it was still there. The all consuming need and want to be with this man, I loved him without knowing what love was, yet I wanted to hurt him.

I wanted revenge.

Instead I was in the middle of my own blood bath, currently following the path of a delicious smelling thirty-something year old woman. She would be my fifth kill of the night, but before I could make my final move towards her I caught Felix and Alec's scent and turned to face them.

"Hells Bells, you need to stop your feeding frenzy before someone has to stop you," Alec spoke slowly, approaching me with his hands up in surrender.

I rolled my eyes. As if I could do them any harm in my state. I was so full of blood I was surprised my heart hadn't begun beating again. I considered simply freezing them and continuing on my way, but even that felt like it might require too much effort. I felt like that fat kid from Matilda who ate all that cake.

"Talk to us, Bells, we know you're in pain," Felix tried to coax me towards him as they came to stand at my sides.

"Of course I'm in pain, there's way too much sloshing going on inside me right now," I whined as I looped my arm through Felix's and leaned on him for support.

"Why were you about to kill that woman if you're already past full?" Alec asked, confused by my actions.

"Especially after you have refused to feed for the past three weeks," Felix continued, reminding me of the mess I had become.

"It's something to do?" I shrugged, "When I hunt, I only think about the kill, everything else goes away."

"Everything else being the Cullen's, Edward to be precise," Felix specified.

"Thank you for clarifying that one for us, we were all _very_ confused," Alec scoffed, his sarcasm greatly appreciated as I left Felix and held onto Alec instead.

I was disgusted with myself. After Edward had left, I holed myself up in my room and refused to feed. I felt as though I suddenly had a conscience and it was telling me that killing humans was wrong, so I didn't feed. There was no way in hell I was about to hunt down an animal. After two weeks, the repercussions of denying myself really came to fruition, but I fought it. At the three week mark, I snapped. I acted like a newborn, which was strange for me considering the control I had when I _was_ a newborn.

"What are you thinking about?" Alec asked as he jostled his shoulder, breaking me out of my self-deprecating reverie.

I groaned. "Nothing, and everything."

"Care to share your thoughts on nothing and everything?" he probed as we wandered towards the outskirts of the city.

"No," I answered stubbornly, wanting to do exactly the opposite.

"But you're going to tell us anyway," Felix guessed, correctly.

I sighed and stopped to lie down on the ground, smiling when the boys followed my actions, lying down on either side of me.

"I don't know what to do," I whispered, ashamed of my current weakness; my _only_ weakness.

"Do you love him?" Alec asked the million dollar question.

I took a moment to consider the repercussions of vocally admitting my feelings, feelings I wasn't one hundred percent sure of. "I think so. I don't know. I don't know what it feels like to love, so I don't feel comfortable saying that I do."

"You know what it feels like to love, Bells. You love us," Alec reminded me, always my voice of reason.

"What I feel for you guys and what I feel for Edward is of a completely different calibre. I do love you guys, don't think for a minute otherwise, but what I feel towards Edward, it's indescribable. And to make everything more confusing, I detest him all the same, and I just don't know what to do," I exclaimed passionately, trying to make sense of my emotions.

"Okay, pretend for a moment that you don't detest him, that he didn't hurt you. Focus on that emotion," Alec coached me, watching me expectantly.

"I can't," I sighed, my voice caught in my own despair.

Alec looked at me in disapproval. "Bella, _try._"

I bit my lip and forced myself to let go, to momentarily forget the pain from my human past.

"Okay, now what do you feel?"

"I don't know," I growled, I had already told him I didn't know what I was feeling! Why couldn't he understand that?

"Bells, you love the guy. Stop trying to make it more complicated than it needs to be," Felix snapped as he sat up. I could tell I was frustrating him; he wanted me to make up my mind on whether I was staying or going so he could deal with his own emotional traumas.

"So you think I should go to him? To America?" I asked him, since he seemed to know all the answers.

"Yea, I do. I think you should go and try it out, at least face your frustrations and see what the outcome is. You're clearly not going to figure anything out by yourself and he's the only one who will be able to help you decide what you want, so go to him, go to America," Felix stated in a burst before stalking off.

I had sat up during his rant of advice and stared in shock after his retreating frame.

"He is right," Alec agreed after a moment of silence, "The only way you're going to figure yourself out is if you deal with Edward and your emotions head on, as painful as that is for you."

"Well, fuck," I muttered, not feeling any better then I had before. Emotions were definitely not my thing. Dealing with Edward was also, definitely, not my thing.

So I needed to go to America.

Alec and I headed back to Volterra soon after Felix had stomped off and now I was making my final decision to go. To face everything I had been avoiding. I wanted to leave then and there. Just take off and find Edward. But I needed to leave in good terms with Aro. There wasn't much he could do to hurt me but he could definitely make my life extremely difficult. As a member of the Guard I knew just how much we were capable of, with or without me, and I didn't want to be on anyone's bad side.

I wandered around quietly, procrastinating meeting my fate and too soon found Aro sitting silently with Sulpicia.

"May I interrupt?" I asked, standing just outside the doorway.

"Bella! Of course, dear," Sulpicia greeted me, beckoning me to sit on the chair nearest to her. "Come in, come in."

"Thank you, how are you Sulpicia?" I smiled in gratitude and sat where she had indicated. We had always gotten along well, much to Jane's distaste.

"I am well, Bella. And how are you? I have noticed you have not quite been yourself as of late," she commented lightly.

"No, I suppose I haven't. Actually that is what brings me here now," I responded, turning then to Aro. "Aro, I want to go to America."

"Absolutely not, especially not after the stunt you just pulled," he scoffed almost before I had finished speaking.

"I _need _to go to America, Aro. Too much has happened for me to continue existing as I have been. It's been weeks since I sent Edward away and I feel that was a mistake," I explained, ignoring his mention of my downfall, hoping he would hear _me_ and not his own selfish voice of reason.

"He hurt you, Bella. How could you feel sending him away was a mistake?" Aro reminded me, which only further pushed my need to leave.

"I love him, Aro. I need to be with him now for the same reason I came to you to be changed," I explained, surprising even myself with the admission.

Aro was about to protest further when Sulpicia stopped him. "Aro, let her go."

I smiled towards her in gratitude, watching as Aro read her unspoken thoughts.

After a moment he sighed in defeat. "If you feel this is what you need, what you truly want, you have my blessing."

"Thank you, Aro. Sulpicia," I beamed in gratitude, after a shock of silence. I stood up to embrace them both individually. "I will make arrangements to leave in the evening. Thank you."

"Tonight? Do you not think that you are rushing into this, my dear?" Aro frowned, his displeasure of my impending absence on clear display.

"It's already hard enough, I have no idea what I am doing, Aro, and I fear if I wait any longer it will only become harder. I don't want to torture myself any longer," I told him, trying my best to make him understand.

"You will be missed dearly," Sulpicia answered for Aro, dismissing his chance to convince me otherwise.

"I won't be that far away. You know I won't be able to stay away too long without visiting," I smiled; rather surprised Aro was letting me go so easily, "Thank you for your kindness."

I bowed slightly in respect to my creator and his mate leaving the room as silently as I had entered and went to my own room to make my travel arrangements and pack up my belongings. I hadn't told anyone else of my leaving and I wasn't planning on saying anything until I was on my way to the jet. How well that would work for me was to be determined.

I decided to pack light, fitting my favourite dresses, skirts and tops into one large suitcase. If all went well I could always send for the rest of my wardrobe or simply order a new one, my life with the Volturi had spoiled me in riches and I never once questioned it.

Within minutes I was packed and with my arrangements made I had nothing to do but think about what I was about to do. I was able to attain permission for our jet to fly out in a few hours so my time left here was very limited. I had documents and required identification waiting for me in the car that would pick me up to drive me to our private airport. Everything had been done to ensure a smooth and seemingly normal trip to America, although I'm sure the last minute booking and amount I was willing to pay had raised some eyebrows. My life was about to change, hopefully for the better, and I couldn't help but feel emotional. I was nervous and scared; two emotions I hadn't felt since I was a newborn, until recently, and it was disconcerting.

Much too soon it was time for me to leave my home and all that I have known in this life and as I made to leave through the main doors Aro stopped me to say goodbye.

"Bella, darling, it pains me greatly to bid you farewell. Are you sure this is what you desire?" he asked me, a last ditch effort to convince me to stay.

"Aro, I will always be a part of the Volturi. But I need this, and if you need me, I am a phone call away," I reminded him, smiling lightly at his pouting.

"Very well, Bella. I always knew this day would eventually come, although I can't say I approve of it," he confessed. I wasn't surprised in the slightest.

I sighed. "Thank you, Aro. Father."

His eyes brighten and he pulled me close to him in a tight embrace. This was a side of Aro I think only I ever got to see, and I felt privileged, to say the least. He may be deceitful and power hungry, but he had still cared for me. And he was letting me go, without retribution.

"Don't let anything too crazy happen without me, Aro," I teased, knowing I was the cause of most of the shenanigans that happened within the walls.

"I shall miss your spirit, Bella. You brought to us a new and youthful energy that we had been missing," he admitted, smiling sadly.

"Take care, Aro."

"You too, Bella, please keep in touch and remember me to Carlisle, will you?"

"Of course," I smiled softly; he had a soft heart at times.

Before he could lose the rest of his evil reputation I made my way outside, towards the car that was waiting to take me to the jet.

"I can't believe you were just going to leave! Without saying goodbye!" Heidi exclaimed as my luggage was loaded into the trunk.

"I knew you guys would get me before I could leave, I'm just surprised it took this long," I teased as Felix quickly wrapped his arms around me, crushing me against him. "You're lucky I don't need to breathe!"

"I'll miss you, Bells," he whispered into my hair, kissing me before letting me go.

Alec was next, hugging me lovingly, kissing my cheek and squeezing my hand before Heidi jumped me.

"I hate that you're leaving!" she cried dramatically.

"You were all fine before me, you guys will be fine without me," I reminded them, it fell on deaf ears. "C'mon, I'm not leaving forever, I'll be back, and you can always come and visit too. Or who knows maybe I'll hate America and come running back?"

"We'll be here to catch you if you do, Bells," Alec told me, joining me and Heidi for another hug.

Not one to be left out, Felix stepped towards us and wrapped us up all together in a final embrace.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't upset. This was my family, however dysfunctional it may be, and I was leaving it. It was hard.

"Okay, I have to go," I mumbled from within our bundle of bodies, laughing when I felt arms tighten even more around me.

"Fine. Go. Be in love," Heidi huffed in mock anger as she stepped out of the embrace.

I couldn't help but sigh, "I'm going to try."

"He's not worth it if he acts like an asshole when you show up," Alec assured me, squeezing my hand before stepping back to let me go.

"And if he hurts you again, I'm kicking his ass," Felix promised with his arm still wrapped around me.

"Thanks," I smiled, knowing he'd love any excuse for a fight, "I will miss you all."

"We'll miss you too, Bells," they mumbled together, sadly, pathetically.

I laughed at their unison reply before sighing and climbing into the car, giving them one last smile and wave before closing the door.

Before I could comprehend what I was really doing I was on the plane, ready for takeoff. I tried to keep my mind clear, tried to not think about what might or might not happen when I showed up at the Cullen's home. Obviously that was impossible to do. I had to come up with some sort of game plan and I only had twelve hours to think of one.

I was nervous as hell. I didn't even know if Edward would still want me after I sent him away and gave him no word for the past three weeks. My only hope rested on his declaration that he would always love me, that and that if I was willing to forgive him for his wrongdoings, he would be able to forgive me of mine. This then led me to remember his diet and I cringed as I thought of having to feed from an animal before wondering if I would be able to somehow work around that little detail.

I was nervous about seeing the Cullens again. I had taken their son and brother without a word and held him prisoner within the Volturi. Alice wouldn't have been able to see him, which might have led them to believe him dead. That was a pretty big deal.

I still held some animosity towards the coven. I couldn't seem to forgive them for leaving me without a goodbye, and it was something I was still working on. All I could figure out was that Edward was undeniably my mate, or I wouldn't be feeling such intense emotions for someone I detested, and that at one point his family had loved and cared for me. I had only hope to keep me determined to make my journey, to confront the man and family I had sought Aro out for to be with.


	9. A Different World

Hey team! Oh MY it has been a long long time since I've been on here! Within the past couple of months my life has completely changed, to the point that I'm currently living on a friends couch, and working like crazy. So needless to say, my computer access has been quite limited. If all goes as planned I'll have my own place again next month, which leads to my next step of having my computer sent to me or just getting that laptop I've been meaning to purchase. Regardless, my life is about to change, again, and hopefully I'll be able to get on here more and send in more chapters!

Thank you all for your reviews and comments, I love hearing your thoughts and concerns, they make me smile!

Please read on as Bella is finally on American soil. The Cullen's are home. Fireworks are about to start! Remember to let me know what you think!

Enjoy! Hopefully I'll get back on here sooner rather then later to continue this journey!

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9. A Different World

I had a million ways I could go about this 'homecoming', but had no idea which way to choose. It was times like these that someone like Alice would be extremely helpful. I even considered letting my shield down so she could see me coming, or rather, what would unfold with my arrival, but then I considered the repercussions for that if she was angry with me. So my shield remained up and by the time we had landed my plan was at basic level. Show up and hope for the best.

I had arranged for a rental to be waiting for me at the airport, a sleek red convertible-something rather. I now appreciated the speed cars allowed me, but I could still care less about the make of the car. As long as it looked nice and could go fast, I was happy with it. This car definitely did the trick as I sped away to my awaiting doom as too soon I was pulling up to the familiar driveway and I was sure anyone in the house now knew I was there.

I could feel myself beginning to panic as I drove down the narrow laneway, the gravel crunching loudly under my tires. I was tempted to give myself some more time before fully exposing myself, freezing everyone to check out who I would be dealing with, but I fought the desire, I was going to do this the normal way.

I pulled to a stop outside the home, which was lit up by the interior lights, and I could smell the family inside. They had gone quiet, having heard me approach and I could picture them waiting inside the door for me to make a move.

I took a breath and got out of the car, listening again as the house sat in silence. I closed the door and turned to walk to the front door, but was stopped when Edward stepped in my path.

"Edward!" I exclaimed, having been taken off guard by his sudden appearance. I didn't miss the immediate spike in my emotions brought on by his presence.

"What are you doing here?" he asked me, his voice not angry per say, but he was definitely lacking the enthusiasm I could have used.

"I just wanted to apologize for what I said to you in Germany and for how I treated you and Alice," I stated lamely, looking down at my shoes. I was failing at this.

"Apologize?"

I looked up, ashamed at my momentary display of weakness. "Yes, I mean, you deserved everything I said, in Germany at least, but I shouldn't have yelled and I shouldn't have been such a bitch to either of you."

"So you came all the way here to tell me that?" he asked, raising an eyebrow in distrust.

I sighed heavily, no, that wasn't the only reason. "I also want to apologize to your family, for causing any problems or worry when I took you and brought you to my home. That wasn't fair to them."

"That's all?" He looked hurt but hopeful, like he knew I was holding back.

No. "Yes."

"Very well, I will relay the message," Edward promised, masking any emotion he was feeling. What happened to that loving me always thing?

I nodded slowly, berating myself for not pushing for more as I turned around to my car. When I reached to open the door a series of events happened entirely too fast for me to fully comprehend.

Seemingly all at once I heard Alice call out my name while Edward cursed hers, and then I was attacked by something huge and furry. On impulse I tried to throw myself away from my attacker as I froze everything around me, but whatever it was had my arm between its teeth.

With everything frozen I pried open the jaw of the werewolf to free my left arm, wincing at the pain as my body mended itself back together. I looked around to see a few more of these wolves in mid-charge towards me as Alice, Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett looked to be ready to defend me, having stepped out of the house, snarling at the wolves. Edward, however, was lying a few feet away. It looked as though he had been thrown away from me, assumingly by the wolf.

I stood still, bewildered by the scene around me. These wolves had attacked me, using my moment of weakness to move in for the kill. I shook my head and made my way over to Edward, unfreezing him when I reached him.

He was immediately on his feet and running forward, continuing whatever he had been planning when I had used my power.

"Edward, stop," I called softly.

He stopped and whipped around to face me, looking puzzled and then relieved. "You're okay."

"Of course I am, I'm nearly invincible," I reminded him.

"Right." He nodded his head slowly as he looked over me, assumingly for any casualties.

I raised an eyebrow and held my palms up for him. "Not a scratch."

"I'm sorry, I would have told them that you weren't a threat but I never thought you would show up here."

I ignored my confusion by his comments and brushed off his concerns, I could handle myself. "It's fine, but I'm not really sure I want to be in the general area when they unfreeze, so I guess I'll go now."

I had turned around, hoping he would stop me and tell me to stay, but he remained silent, so I begun to make my way to my car. Casual sex, I could do. Confessing my love, confessing any feeling other than hate, I was clueless. That being said, my heart, had it still pulsed, would have stopped when he called my name, appearing in front of me.

"Bella, is that really why you came all the way here? To apologize?" he asked me, hope full in every one of his features.

I frowned, of course it wasn't, but how would I tell him that? "I don't know how to do this."

"And what is _this_, exactly?"

"Feeling, caring, I, I'm not the same girl you fell in love with. I'm spiteful and aggressive and a bitch. I'm not a passive human anymore," I tried to explain, but really I just wanted to backtrack and run home. I was scared, and the fact that I was scared was more unnerving than anything else at the moment.

"I know you're not human. Feeling and caring, they are not something you have to learn, they are just something you do, uncontrollably."

"Okay, but I'm still a bitch, no one likes me." I knew I was making excuses to get myself out of this situation, but in all fairness, I wasn't made for this.

"Bella, everyone, except Jane and Caius, adores you. They fear you, and know not to anger you, but they never tried to appease you out of that fear, they did it because they genuinely cared for your happiness," he informed me softly.

I knitted my eyebrows and thought out loud, "but I was so mean."

Edward chuckled. "Not mean enough to warrant you their dislike, I suppose."

I quickly came to terms with not being quite as hated as I thought I was and came back to my current issue. "I'm scared."

"Of what?" he asked, clearly surprised by my admittance.

"Of this!"

"This?" I couldn't tell if he was repeating me because he truly did not understand or if he was trying to push me to reveal what I had came here for.

"Loving you," I whispered, horrified of the ramifications as I braced myself for the worst.

"Bella," he breathed my name like it was a sigh of relief.

"I don't know how to do it, or what to do with it. And you hurt me, well, human me, and human me did _this,_" I rambled, motioning to my stone body, "and if I could feel that as a human I don't know if I could handle it now."

He was silent. Silent and staring at me.

He looked torn between looking euphoric and guilty. He would make the slightest gesture to move towards me before pulling back and furrowing his eyebrows.

I watched him battle whatever was going through his mind; wanting him to do nothing more then kiss me. Kiss me and show me how this was all supposed to feel, how it's supposed to be. _Just, kiss me._

Edward's head suddenly snapped up, his eyes zeroing in on mine. "What?"

"What?" I repeated, his reaction confusing me.

"What did you just say?" he asked, taking a step closer to me.

"That I was scared? That you hurt me?"

"No, after that." He cut me off.

"I didn't…" I didn't _say_ anything, but I definitely wanted and thought something. My mind reeled as I tried to feel out how much force I used when I wanted him to hear me, to kiss me.

It was there, the tiniest of a flex of my shield, and it meant that I could let him hear my thoughts when I wanted him to. Well this was interesting.

I cocked an eyebrow and lowered the part of my shield that blocked my thoughts. _Edward._

His eyes lit up and I could only assume that he had heard me, his name in my thoughts.

_You can hear me._ I projected my thought to him, keeping the shield down.

"I can hear you," he whispered, now standing directly in front of me, nearly touching me.

I could feel it, whatever _it_ was, pulling us closer. It felt like I didn't just want him to touch me, I _needed_ him to touch me.

Hearing my thoughts, Edward acted upon them, reaching out to push my hair back from my face. As soon as his fingertip made contact with my cheek I felt my skin tingle with life. Unfortunately, the moment was short lived as the rest of the world came to life around us.

I cringed and let my shield snap back into place as I spun around to where I had been standing, where a now very confused wolf was looking around for me.

"I'll protect you, go to the house," Edward commanded as he placed himself between me and the wolf.

Damn him! How silly was I to assume he would lose this macho, protect the innocent Bella, thing he had?

"I can protect myself, Edward," I sneered, moving to walk in front of him and towards the front door in a moment of defiance.

Before I could get even halfway there the same russet furred wolf stepped in front of me, barring its teeth.

"Try me," I challenged it, ready for a fight, to lose myself in the aggression.

"Bella," Edward warned me from somewhere behind where I stood.

At my name the wolf snapped its eyes to Edward before quickly returning them to me. His eyes suddenly seemed sad as he eased his stance, his teeth no longer showing.

I was confused by the action and took a quick moment to look around at the other wolves. They had also stopped their attack and were watching me and this other wolf with curiosity.

"What?" I asked the wolf in front of me, the one who, only moments ago, had my arm in its mouth.

Instead of reacting in anger the wolf bowed its head and then lied down at my feet.

"I don't understand. Is this some sort of show of submission so I don't report you to the Volturi? You tried to kill me, don't think that goes unnoticed, or unpunished for that matter," I spoke to the dog, hardly thinking it could hear, let alone understand me.

"He didn't know it was you," Edward said as he came to stand beside me.

I looked at him as if he was crazy. "I'm sorry, what?"

"He didn't know it was you, Bella. As far as he knows, you should be seventy-one right now," Edward explained further. I still didn't get it.

"I ran with wolves when I was human?" Maybe this was another fact I had forgotten of my human memories.

Before Edward could answer me, the wolf ran into the forest, leaving the other wolves behind. The rest just sat there waiting, as if they knew what he was doing even though they had shared no communication. I would be flipping shit if Alec or Felix randomly ran off without a second look to me but these mutts looked completely fine with it.

I was about to continue my walk towards the house, well actually I was planning on changing my course and heading to my car, but I was stopped by the sound of someone running towards me.

"Bella?" a male voice called from the same direction the wolf had run.

I turned around to see a large man running towards me; he had to have been six-foot-seven and without his shirt on I could see his muscle definition quite clearly. On instinct I was about to freeze time, humans aren't allowed to know about our existence, and we were shimmering slightly in the overcast weather.

"It's okay." Edward placed his hand on my arm to stop me.

I stopped to look at him in question, my head tilted to the side. "He's human."

"Not quite," Edward said, smiling slightly and I heard a couple of the wolves let out a noise that sounded similar to a laugh.

I turned my attention back to the man who was merely feet away from me and felt my brain try to piece together his features. Within seconds I had it. "Jacob?"

"In the flesh," he quipped, flashing me a brilliant smile. He hadn't changed at all, well, other than looking like a juice head and he was permeating an awful smell.

"You haven't changed…at all." I took a step back, something wasn't right. "How?"

He smiled and nodded to the wolves, as if they would have my answer.

I was still confused and felt compromised. I dropped the shield and let Edward pick through my thoughts in hope that he would answer my confusion.

Edward lit up and reached for my hand. "You're safe."

_How is he alive?_ I questioned first, trying not to fixate on his hand holding mine.

"He's a shape-shifter, his tribes shape is the wolf," Edward answered quickly and quietly for only me to hear.

I took in the information, reminded of the men transforming into wolves back when I had first come here, and looked over Jacob again. He was only wearing a pair of cut off jeans, which sat low on his hips, and the kid was ripped. He looked _good_ and my mind couldn't help but think of the things I could do to that body.

Edward's grasp on my hand tightened and I heard him growl beside me.

I tensed before realizing he had just heard my unfiltered thoughts on Jacob's body and let my shield snap back into place. "Sorry."

"Bells?" Jacob tried to recapture my attention.

"I'm okay," I assured him, as well as myself, and offered him a smile.

It took all of five seconds for him to launch at me, pulling me into his arms for a hug only Jacob could give, and for maybe the first time, my first reaction wasn't to freeze.

"Man, it's good to see you," he mumbled into my hair, his grip tightening on me before letting me go.

"You too." I smiled awkwardly; I had no clue what to say or do, my memory of him was hazy at best and I sensed he felt more for me emotionally then I had for him at some point.

"I think maybe we should talk before you two take that trip," Edward announced, clearly answering someone's, I assumed Jacob's, thoughts.

"Right," I agreed with Edward, if only for the excuse to remove myself from a bunch of questions I didn't know if I could answer.

"Oh, okay." Jake nodded, seeming almost defeated,."Will I see you later?"

"Maybe? I don't really know actually," I tried to answer him as best as possible. Did I want to stick around for there to be a 'later'? Yes. Was I going to? I didn't know.

"You'll see her again," Alice chirped from the steps happily. Too happily.

I glared at her and attempted to snap my shield back to block her from using her power, but found and remembered I hadn't dropped that faucet of my shield in the first place.

"You're not as flawless as you think, Bella," Alice chided me with a contradicting grin.

I felt the rumble low in my chest as I quietly growled, frustrated that she had figured out how to manipulate my shield without my knowledge.

"Bella?" Edward called to me as I tried to feel out my shield for any inconsistency.

I hissed when he tried to reach for me. How was she able to see past my shield? If she was able to work around my shield who knew what she was able to see, or even if the others were able to somehow work around it. I immediately felt compromised. I had to leave.

"Bella! Wait, I can't see around your shield, not like you think," Alice explained, capturing my attention.

"Alice, don't," Jasper reprimanded her, his voice low.

"If I don't tell her, she's going to leave," she told him before turning her attention back to me. "I see nothing if the future involves you, that's how I knew you would be staying, I wasn't getting any visions."

I studied her face. That made sense, process of elimination. Not one to lose the upper hand I reworked the part of my shield that could block her power and made it so she could have her visions, just not me in them, I would become a ghost in her foresight. I could tell it had worked when her eyes glazed over and confusion masked her face.

"Jacob, I need you and the pack to leave, I can't see around you," Alice demanded, clearly frustrated.

I didn't understand what the wolves had to do with anything, but they seemed to understand and began to retreat to the forest.

"I'll see you later then, maybe." Jacob grinned, hugging me again, before running to catch up with the rest of the wolves.

"Bella's leaving." Alice huffed dejectedly once we could no longer hear the wolves retreat.

I smirked. "I never decided that."

"I can see everyone now, but in every future you're not there. You've decided on some level to leave," she described, clearly not looking hard enough. I had no intentions of leaving, at least not at the moment.

"I'm not as _flawed_ as you think, Alice." I grinned, quite pleased with myself. Aro would be proud.

I looked around as everyone watched me cautiously and I wondered what Alice and Edward had told them of me, and in which light they regarded me in. Clumsy, blushing, subordinate, human, Bella Swan? Or powerful, vicious, kidnapping, vampire, Bella Volturi?

"Bella, would you join us inside?" Carlisle proposed; surprising me as everyone began to file back into the house, everyone except Edward who stood beside me, his eyes never leaving me.

"It's safe, they're not going to hurt you," Edward answered my unvoiced concern, at least half of it.

I nodded and walked by him, into the house. "It's not them I'm worried about,"

"Bella, maybe we should talk first," Edward suggested as he walked behind me.

I scoffed and continued to the living room. "I think I'd rather talk with your family."

"Did you want to have a seat, Bella?" Carlisle asked as he and the rest of the family watched me stop in the doorway to stand.

I was fine where I was. I needed to be able to escape if it was called for and I quickly took in all the different routes I could take, noticing things I hadn't seen when I was human. Like how there are at least five different ways to escape from the living room alone.

"I am quite okay right here, Carlisle, thank you." I smiled politely in appreciation for his offer.

Carlisle, Esme and Edward sat closest to me on the leather couch, looking every bit like the young couple and their teenaged son, while Jasper and Alice sat on the loveseat sofa beside the overstuffed chair that Rosalie sat on, Emmett perched on the arm beside his mate. Their actions were so disgustingly human and I almost laughed when Rosalie looked down to study her nails. I briefly wondered where the two newcomers were.

The silence was awkward as they all continued to study me, no one making the first move to begin conversation. There was no way I was about to start so I began to take inventory of the living room, careful to avoid making any eye contact, until I slipped and caught the golden eyes of the one I was avoiding most.

I rolled my eyes and lifted my shield. _Is someone going to say something? I sure as hell don't know where to start. _

Edward's eyes lit up and I wondered if that would always be his response to hearing my thoughts. "It will probably never change, Bella. Why don't you start with where you've been?"

I watched as the family looked at Edward curiously, probably throwing him questioning thoughts about his seemingly random outburst. He nodded towards me and they all followed his eyes to look back at me again. Silly little lambs, when would they ever follow their own lead?

"Bella," Edward chastised, having heard me compare his family to lemmings.

_Oh come on, you know I'm not wrong._ I raised an eyebrow, challenging him to say otherwise.

"You are. Now, you were about to tell us where you have been living," he prompted, ignoring my statement.

I rolled my eyes again and looked at the family waiting for me to begin my story, my eyes stopped on Emmett who looked like he was struggling to hold back from talking. "Emmett? Did you have something on your mind?"

He looked startled at being addressed and looked immediately to Edward, asking permission to talk I presumed.

_Oh Holy Edward, please give me permission to do something out of context._ I snarked; Emmett's action proving my earlier claim.

"Edward can read your mind?" Emmett asked enthusiastically, after receiving a nod from Edward to go ahead with his question.

"If I want him to," I clarified shortly.

"Sweet!" Emmett exclaimed; I smiled lightly at his boyish response. "What else can you do?"

"Emmett," Edward scolded. I guess Emmett was only given permission to ask his first question.

"All in time, Emmett, and yes it is pretty sweet that I can still block him from my thoughts," I agreed, choosing that moment to put my shield back in place.

Edward frowned, immediately noticing that he had been cut off.

"To start where Edward suggested, I've been living in Volterra, but I'm sure you all already know that. You all have probably also been informed that I am part of the Volturi Guard, and have been for the past fifty-three years," I began, deciding to just jump in, with what they all probably already knew, and face whatever the consequences were to be. "I am also a shield, which is why Edward can't hear my thoughts, Alice can't see my future and Jasper can't feel my emotions. This is all subjective, I can control it. If I want Edward to hear me, I can allow him to, Alice can see the future, just not me in it, at the moment, and if I wanted Jasper to feel my emotions, I could allow him to."

"Holy shit," Emmett cursed; voicing what looked like was on everyone's mind. "Bro, you never told us _that_."

"I didn't know," Edward whispered in what sounded like awe.

I inwardly cringed, I had shared too much. Knowing what I was capable of would give them the upper hand in any conflict against me.

"Edward mentioned something about time freezing and extending your shield, how does that work?" Carlisle pushed to keep me talking.

I flashed a glare at Edward. I hadn't expected him to keep my powers from his family, but that didn't mean I was comfortable with him telling everyone about my abilities, _especially _that one. "I'm sorry Carlisle, but I cannot elaborate on that at the moment."

"They already know, Bella," Edward attempted to reason, but it was too late, I felt my trust diminish.

"And you don't think that that wasn't your secret to tell?" I snapped, "I have worked for years to keep my abilities unbeknownst to our world. I let one person in and suddenly the largest coven in the world is completely privy to _my_ secrets!"

The family watched me in shock, and it was then that I had realized they were expecting the former me, the silly little human. It took me about a millisecond to decide I had to get out of there. It took two for everyone to follow me out.

"Excuse me, miss holier-than-thou, but you _kidnapped_ him! I think that voids assuming any favours to your secrecy," Rosalie barked after me.

"He _left_ me! You all left me!" I spat, mentally restraining myself from physically lashing out at her or simply freezing the moment. I needed to deal with this.

"We left you for your own damn safety, a lot of good that did, and we all suffered for it," she continued to argue, and I saw red.

My mental restraint snapped and I lunged at her. I had thrown us both to the ground before Emmett and Edward had their arms around me in restraint, pulling me up and away from her, while Esme and Alice talked her down from retaliating.

"Please don't freeze us," Edward whispered, his hands still locked on my arm, not needing my shield to be down to know what I was about to do.

I dropped my shield._ I'm sorry, I can't…_ And I froze my world.

Edward had heard my last thought and released my arm from his grip and I silently thanked him before prying Emmett's bear claws from around my other arm.

Without a second glance I climbed into my car and took off, letting everything unfreeze as I pulled out of their driveway. I had no idea where I was going, but I knew I needed to get away from the whole situation. I thought it would be best for me to deal with it, but after losing control and physically attacking Rosalie I knew I had been wrong.

Unfortunately I didn't get very far having gripped the steering wheel a little too hard and snapping it clean off. I growled and stopped the car, before getting out and throwing the stupid steering wheel into the forest. I could feel my temper peaking again and I needed to fight something, or feed, and I had neither option available to me at the moment.

I took in a deep breath and froze, chuckling darkly at my lack of surprise. Of course he had followed me.

Before I could take in another breath to speak I felt a wave of calm trying to sweep over me. Needing to take the edge off, I dropped that wall, and immediately felt the wave push away the aggression that had been stewing. _Jasper. _Thank God.

I closed my eyes and moaned as he continued to assault me with calm energy, and within seconds every other emotion I had been feeling had receded. I hadn't felt this at ease in months and it was magnificent.

"Thank you," I whispered, opening my eyes to find Edward in front of me.

"I'm sorry for telling them about your abilities, Bella," Edward apologized.

I couldn't tell if it was from Jasper's influence, but I believed him. "While I dislike that you did it, I understand why you did."

"You should know, the family, they view you as a threat right now. I know you pose no danger, but they're wary, they needed to know what you are capable of," he explained carefully.

I flinched, of course they hated me. I had kidnapped Edward and then attacked Rosalie, on their property, which I came to uninvited.

"They don't hate you." Edward sighed sadly. "Your actions have only made them cautious of your intentions, not to hate you."

"I don't know what to do anymore," I admitted, too emotionally drained to care that my shield was down.

"Just be yourself. They love you; they're just concerned about where you've been for the past half century."

I scoffed. "If you guys had have stuck around instead of running away I wouldn't have been there. And be myself? Or be the human pet you kept around?"

I snapped my shield back in place, shutting Edward out of my head and Jasper out of my emotions. I knew it was a backhanded comment and I knew if I kept using it as an argument it would lose its impact, but I didn't know what he expected of me at this point.

"Bella, what can I do?" he asked, his voice broken and sad, "what more can I do other than apologize for leaving you? It was a grave mistake, one I will regret for the rest of my existence, and I will forever pine for your forgiveness. I love you, I cannot bear to fathom the thought of continuing on without you, but what else can I do?"

His admission nearly crippled me. He was so honest and raw and full of self-loathing. I knew, without a doubt, he would do whatever I asked of him, as long as I permitted him into my life. The question was could I forgive him?


	10. ReBoot

Hey strangers! So this has been sitting on my computer for quite some time, I just suck at getting on here to post it! Christmas is coming up though, so if I don't travel home then that means some time off from life and time for me to get on here! Yay!

Thank you all for the comments and reviews! I love the different views you all have! I have to admit, I went back and changed some stuff up after some of the comments that were left. More of you were anti-forgiveness then I had assumed would be!

Anyway, you're not here to read about me (but in case anyone was wondering, I am no longer living on a friends couch! I have a bed! And my own room! Haha AND I finally own a laptop! Whoo hoo!)

If I don't update before, I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas! Thanks for reading!

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10. ReBoot

"_Bella, just forgive him already, this is ridiculous!" _

"_Ridiculous? I think it's completely warranted. If you do not agree then leave, or maybe I will let you have a feel of what you deem 'ridiculous'," I seethed. I couldn't believe I was being told my punishment was ridiculous._

"_I don't want that, I just do not understand what the big deal is. So he had relations with you? Most of us have," Felix stated._

_My mouth dropped open in shock at his words. Most of them certainly have not had 'relations' with me!_

"_Excuse me, but first of all I've only had 'relations' with you and Demetri, so there is no 'most of you' and second of all, the big deal is that he had no right to go on and share it with the world! I mean obviously Aro was going to know, I'm over that, but who the fuck does he think he is to go about talking about what we did to everyone and anyone who would listen?" I ranted. I was beyond angry, I was livid. I didn't think the torture I was currently having my victim, Andre, a visitor from South America, endure was sufficient enough._

"_He is a male, Bella, we do that," Felix offered lamely. I knew he was regretting his initial battle against me on this fight._

"_You didn't. Demetri sure as hell didn't," I pointed out, watching as one of Andre's hands began to reattach itself to its arm. _

"_He really hurt you," Felix whispered, as if shocked by the possibility._

"_He didn't hurt me, he just pissed me off," I defended. I _was_ hurt, I felt exposed, degraded, but I couldn't allow anyone to see anything other then my rage, and the after effects of that rage._

_I watched as Felix went over to rip the hand that had just reattached itself from its arm and threw it across the room, repeating the same action I had been doing to all of Andre's limbs for the past six hours. _

"_It's okay, Bella. It was a low thing for him to do. It's okay if it hurt you. Well, it's okay for you to admit that, it's not okay that he did it," Felix said, attempting to calm me down._

"_I get it. Thanks."_

"_You have to be impressed at the amount of people who wanted to hear about it. I mean, if we had our own tabloids you would be all over it," he joked lightly._

_It was true, everyone seemed to want to hear about what Andre and I had done, the when, the where, how many times. It was astounding. Everyone hooked up with everyone within the walls of the Volturi but no one ever asked to know about any of it, I didn't understand why this incident was so popular._

"_I'm hardly impressed. Confused, yes. Embarrassed? A little bit. Pissed off? Well," I paused to motion to the Andre bits scattered about the room. "But impressed? No. He had no right."_

"_I am sorry, Bells," he apologized, pulling me into his chest to smother me with a hug. "Why don't you go find yourself a meal and I'll take care of this buffoon?"_

"_Buffoon? Really?" I questioned his choice of words as I pulled away from his embrace._

"_Arrogant asshole?" he rephrased._

"_Better. What are you going to do to him? I thought disassembling him and letting him reassemble a limb before ripping him apart again was pretty brilliant."_

"_Yes, but I think six hours is enough for that. Considering what he's done, I think I'll take the human route, once he's done reassembling himself of course, and just beat him up," Felix explained his game plan. It was good, there was just one thing missing._

"_Sounds acceptable, however, be sure to burn the pulp. No one hurts me and lives to tell about it," I advised, knowing it would set a solid precedent to everyone involved and anyone to come to the Volturi._

"_But they live to tell about your-"Felix began what was to be a snide joke._

"_Clearly they don't," I reminded him as I motioned about the room. "Can I trust you to end him once you have your own fun with him?"_

"_Of course you can. There is nothing like a little revenge to kick off the day!" Felix exclaimed enthusiastically. "Now go, find some breakfast."_

_I laughed, he was the only one I knew who referred to feeding as the humans did to meals of breakfast, lunch or dinner. "Thank you, Felix."_

"_Whatever I can do, Bells," he promised before pushing me out the door to go on my way._

Forty-five years later and I was forced to face another person who had hurt me. Compared to what Edward had done, Andre should have been offered a place within the Volturi, complete with all the bells and whistles I myself had become accustomed to. The amount of hurt I felt from what Andre had done was microscopic compared to the hurt Edward has caused me. In theory, I should have him killed, or better yet, I should kill him myself, after hours upon hours of torture, but yet, I had no intentions of any of that.

Now I stood facing a lifetime of pain, literally an eternity of pain if we wanted to be specific, and I had no idea how to move around it. My automatic default of torture and death wouldn't work here.

Edward remained standing in front of me. Broken Edward, who was waiting for me to give him his sentence, ready to accept any fate I decided to deal him. He watched me, unaware of my own internal battle.

"I don't know what you want me to tell you," I admitted, trying to give myself more time to come up with a reasonable plan, anything to figure how what I was even doing here.

"Tell me you love me, tell me you forgive me," he pleaded, falling to his knees in front of me.

I gasped at his weakness; he was so feeble compared to the vampire I had loved as a human. He wanted me to tell him that I loved him. Did I? I did leave home to be with him, and I still held onto all the feelings I had for him when I was human. I knew it was a possibility. But did I? And he wanted me to tell him that I forgive him. That was a definite no. He may have had the past half century to deal with what he had done, but it was all relatively new to me. It still felt as though everything had happened merely three months ago. So no, I hadn't forgiven him.

I sighed. "I don't know if I'm there yet, Edward."

He fell back so he was sitting on his heels and hung his head. I had broken him.

"That doesn't mean I don't want to be there, eventually," I clarified. "I told you before, I don't know how to do this anymore."

"It's not something you learn, Bella, it's just something you do, something you feel," he said roughly.

"You hurt me. You destroyed me. Forgive me if I'm not ready to just jump back into your arms and live happily ever after," I snapped. "I've killed, I've had others kill _for_ me, for pulling shit that doesn't measure up to half of what you did, what you put me through."

"So you're going to kill me?" he asked, keeping his head down.

"Don't be so dense, Edward. If I had plans to kill you, it would have been done already," I drawled.

He looked up at me again. "So what do you want then? Why are you here?"

"Because I want to try," I confessed, my voice soft. "I can't figure out why, and so far I only seem to be throwing myself from the fire to the frying pan, but I need to try. I mean, at the time the only thing that was really separating us was my humanity, and now that that's out of the way I want to know what was there."

"So this is all some kind of experiment to you? To ease your curiosity?" he asked as he stood up.

I rolled my eyes. "Were you always this difficult?"

"This isn't some game, Bella. My family and I aren't here for you to simply play around with,"

"You could be if I wanted," I muttered to myself in defiance. "I'm not here to play with your family."

"Just me then?"

"Oh for fucks sake! I already admitted that I want to try to _love_ you, how does that translate to toying with you? If I had wanted to do that I would still be in Volterra, you wouldn't have left with Alice and I'd probably have chained you up at some point," I barked.

He said nothing and just stood there looking wholly like he couldn't figure out _what_ to say.

"Where do we go from here then?" he finally asked.

I sighed. I had no idea where to go from here. I was counting on him for this one.

"Hi, I'm Bella Volturi," I suddenly introduced myself as I held out my hand, "Edward Cullen, correct?"

I figured it would be best to just completely start over at this point.

"That would be correct," he smiled timidly as he shook my hand. "You don't have to do this."

"Do what, Mr. Cullen?" I asked dumbly.

"It's Edward," he informed me, his voice restrained.

"My apologies, you don't need to be so rude, Mr. Cu- Edward," I stumbled purposely.

He shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose before giving me a playful yet sceptical look, which surprised the hell out of me. "Why don't we go for a walk?"

"I'm not so sure I should do that. I mean what would that say about me if I were to just take a walk with a complete stranger?" I prattled. I wondered how long he would put up with my play of ignorance.

"Bella, come on," he practically whined. Game over.

"A stranger who whines, well you can't be all _that_ dangerous." I smirked. "Let's go then."

He sighed and turned to lead the way. "Follow me."

We took off, running through the forest to where ever he had planned. We zigzagged our way through the foliage, away from civilization, before quickly coming to stop on the edge of some kind of meadow. Edward was watching me with a kind of curious look, as if he was waiting for me to react to our destination.

"It's pretty, I bet it looks even better when the sun is out," I commented, feeling pressured under his scrutiny.

"You don't remember," he said in a sad tone as he hung his head.

I frowned and took his hand in mine, _I'm sorry._

He smiled, it was a small smile, but it was better than before, as he looked up at me. "It's okay, you're here now. You can remember this."

I sighed, as much as I appreciated his willingness to move on I was still frustrated that I had gaps in my memory. Clearly the meadow was once of some importance to me, to both Edward and myself possibly, so why couldn't I remember it?

I walked to the center of the meadow, my eyes never stopping as I tried to reel in my memory of this location. There was nothing, not even a glimpse of a memory. For all I knew, this was my first time here.

I huffed in frustration and sat down on the grass.

"It's okay, Bella," Edward assured as he sat down beside me, his legs stretched out in front of him.

"No it's not. I've lived for half a century not remembering anything of my human life and then I suddenly get only _some_ of it back," I ranted, "I mean, who knows what else I'm forgetting at this point. It's a wonder I even remembered how to get to your home."

"Whatever you don't remember, we'll remind you as it comes up. Alice still doesn't remember her human life and it's been centuries. Memory loss is just-"

"One of the many tragedies of becoming immortal, blah, blah, blah," I continued what I guessed was his attempt at consoling me. I didn't want to be consoled, I wanted to remember.

I heard him inhale sharply at my dismissal and he remained silent, probably afraid I'd snap at him or something. I didn't blame him, it was a legitimate fear.

Enjoying the silence, I fell back to lie on the ground and look up at the sky, or the clouds, more specifically. I did have the memory of it always being cloudy and rainy here, which was one of the reasons the Cullen's enjoyed living in this specific location.

As I mused internally I could feel Edward watching me and I could tell he was in a purgatory of curiosity and angst. Yes, I had been rather rude and now he was brooding about it, but he was also itching for me to let my shield down so he could know what I was thinking about in my silence. I felt a wicked sense of satisfaction at causing him such distress and was surprised by the sudden onset of guilt I felt at my pleasure.

"Lay with me?" I requested; my voice no more than a whisper. I wanted to feel at level with him, at least physically, before I attempted to apologize.

He, of course, complied, stretching his body out alongside mine. He kept a noticeable distance between our bodies and I had to hold myself back from resolving the issue.

"I'm not good at this. I don't know how to be pleasant ninety-nine percent of the time," I began, keeping my eyes averted to the sky to avoid seeing Edward's reaction. "The Bella I remember, the one you fell in love with, she's a distant memory to me. I can remember her feelings and the emotions she had, but I imagine it would be like what you feel, your reactions, to hearing people's thoughts. They're there, and you feel them, but they're not yours."

I took a chance and turned my head, finding my eyes immediately locked to his. "Does that make sense?"

His eyes looked troubled as he contemplated what to say. "But they are yours, she _is_ you. What you remember, what she felt, that is what _you_ felt. You know how to be pleasant, Bella."

I couldn't tell if he was trying to be sympathetic or if he meant to come off as berating, but he set me off. I was on my feet in seconds, not surprised when he followed my action, and I crouched defensively.

"No, you don't _get it_, Edward, and I don't know how to explain it so that you will. I am _not_ the same girl I was over _fifty_ years ago. Without remembering who I was, remembering the kind of person I had been, I was like a child. I was impressionable, a piece of clay, for Aro to mould to his lifestyle. That clay has been baked in the oven, Edward. You always said that Vampires don't change, why can you not remember that now? Please see that I will never be that seventeen year old girl again," I tried again to explain what I needed him to understand.

"I know that you're different, I understand that, Bella. But that doesn't mean you can't remember how to be as you once were. You possess the memories, you possess the ability to think, feel and act like you did before you were changed. Besides that you've already changed more in the past three months then most vampires do in their entire existence."

My jaw dropped. Of course he wanted me to be like the human he fell in love with. He didn't fall for a cold-heartless killer. He fell for a dumb, fragile lamb.

"I haven't changed, Edward, and maybe I don't want to change! I _like _who I am, which is more then I can say as to how I felt about myself as a human. I like that I walk into a room and command attention. I like that I can get a stranger to do whatever I request," I paused when I realized I was beginning to sound as I imagined Rosalie's inner monologue probably sounded, "I finally feel confident, strong and empowered, I can finally speak my mind and I could care less about what others think of it.

"I never felt any of that when I was human. I kept my thoughts to myself, tried to avert attention to others the second it was placed on me, and I can't even begin to describe to you the amount of self-deprecation I had when I was around your family.

"And now you want me to change back into that person? No. It will never happen."

My emotions were all over the place. I was pissed that Edward didn't seem to understand that I was unchangeable, and that he had high hopes that I would suddenly transform back into my human self. And then I was heartbroken because he wouldn't accept me as I am. Apparently I was still holding onto the facet of my human self where Edward had the sole ability to completely break me.

He stood there in complete silence, clearly trying to come up with something to say that would have the least backfire potential.

"I want you to be yourself, who ever that is," he told me slowly, as if he was still trying to work out what to say as he spoke.

"Well that's sweet, Edward, but how can you say you love me if you don't even know who I am?"

"I could ask the same of you," he half mumbled, looking every bit the seventeen years old his body was frozen into as he avoided making eye contact.

"_You_ haven't changed," I reminded him bluntly. "And I never said I loved you, I said I wanted to try."

He looked up at me, his eyes sad, and I felt a slight twinge where my heart would be before I felt my anger melt away. I surprisingly didn't want to fight. Shit, he was right about one thing, I had changed, at least a little bit.

I sighed. "How about we start from the beginning? You accept and get to know me as who I am now, as a Vampire, and I'll pretend I don't already know that you are overprotective and stubborn."

He chuckled as the sadness from before faded away. "I suppose that would make the most sense. You're not going to introduce yourself to me again are you?"

"No." I laughed at his distain for my previous attempt to come up with a solution. "So we have a deal?"

"I don't know if I would consider it so much a deal as a-"

I cut him off as I moved to stand directly in front of him, "Just say yes so we can shake on it and move forward."

"Oh, well then yes, we have a deal." He grinned and held his hand out towards mine.

I smirked and pushed my lips against his, ignoring his outstretched hand completely. "We're going to have to work on this innocence problem you have."

He gave me a muffled grunt in response and continued to kiss me, cautiously. Apparently we were going to start working on his problem immediately. Without much effort I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist, supporting myself by using his shoulders and locking my arms around his neck.

"Bella," Edward hissed, breaking our kiss and leaning his head against my neck.

"Edward," I sighed in mockery. I giggled and pulled his head back, and with my leverage he had to look up at me. "You need to loosen up. I will not 'date' a prude."

"I'm not-"

"We'll work on it." I grinned after cutting him off, before lowering my lips to his for another kiss.

I was about to pull back and give him another comment, but ever so slowly I felt him finally bring his arms up to support me, allowing one of his hands to even rest up under my shirt a bit.

I smiled against his lips and brought one of my hands to play with his hair, holding his head to mine, wondering how far he was going to let me push him. Our kisses were already a little more heated then they had been when I was human, but he was still holding himself back, and he needed to stop doing that.

Just as I began to shift my body weight the luscious scent of a human blew across the meadow and my venom began to pool. Without realizing my actions I had managed to throw off Edward's balance, sending us both to the ground. The impact didn't faze me as my body reacted to the scent, sending my eternally eighteen year-old hormones into overdrive. Edward tensed underneath me and his kisses stopped, but I remained feral, grinding against his body.

"Bella," Edward whispered, his hands grasping my own as I tried to rip his shirt off. "Bella, you need to stop."

"I fail to see any _need_ to stop, in fact, the consideration of such a thing is entirely preposterous, barbarous even," I purred as I slid down his body, stopping at the waist of his jeans.

The second my fingers touched his bare skin he was out from under me, pulling us both up to stand.

With that decision made I took off to find the human. If I couldn't give into lust, I was giving into thirst.

It didn't take long to find the source of the glorious scent, but it didn't take long for Edward to follow me either. I tried to ignore him and focused my attention instead on the loner hiker, a tall man of about twenty-two.

"Bella, don't do this," Edward pleaded as he stepped between the man and myself.

"Move out of the way," I commanded bluntly.

I heard Emmett, Carlisle and Alice before I saw Edward's eyes shift to look at Emmett behind me. I rolled my eyes and scoffed before freezing time. I wasn't surprised that they had shown up, Alice probably saw Edward attempting to thwart me, well an invisible force, and of course had to send in reinforcements, as inane a plan as that was.

I shook my head as I approached the hiker, who was also frozen in place, but instead of killing him there I decided to carry him further into the woods. There I fed and then buried his body, putting more effort into this feeding then any other, ever.

Within five minutes I was back to where I had left the Cullen's, more pissed off then when they had arrived to stop me. I stood back in the spot in front of Edward where I had been when I had froze time and readied myself to let him know what I had just done, still appalled by my actions of burying the damn body.

With a flick of my wrist time had recommenced and Edward had returned his eyes to me.

"Please, just think about what you're about to do," Edward pleaded before I could even begin my tirade.

"Excuse me?" I was stunned by his request, how did he know what I was about to do? Although, all I was planning on doing was yelling, nothing drastic, so his pleading was a bit extraneous.

Suddenly Edward was grinning and kissing me. "Thank you, love."

"You're welcome?" I offered, my anger quickly replaced by confusion as to what was happening.

"You have no idea how much it means to me, to us. And the will power you just expressed just shows us how strong you are," Edward praised, though for what, I had no clue.

Carlisle stepped in then, also sporting an epic smile. "Bella, I am greatly impressed by your willingness to adapt. It will be a challenge for you, as it is for us all, but I assure you the blood from an animal-"

"Wait, what?" I had to interrupt him; I had no idea what he was talking about but I knew I wanted nothing to do with the blood from any animal.

"Your decision to not feed from the hunter, Alice had a vision, so she, Emmett and Carlisle came to help me to help you. You have no idea how much it means to us that you're willing to try our means of sustenance," Edward explained light heartedly.

Then it clicked. They hadn't the slightest idea that I had frozen time and fed. Alice must have had a before and after vision, but nothing to show her the in between, all she saw was the struggle to stop me and then there was no struggle. All I had to do now was make sure to freeze time before I fed. Done.

"Right, yes, well I do what I can," I shrugged, trying to contain my internal celebration.

"It was quite impressive how quickly you were able to control yourself, Bella. How did you do it?" Carlisle inquired as Alice and Emmett approached us.

"I don't know, I usually succeed at whatever I put my mind to, so, I guess that helps," I explained imperviously.

Edward pulled me closer to him, his arm around my waist while Alice watched warily. Normally that kind of apprehension would concern me, but my plan was flawless. I had her effectively blocked from seeing my future, and even if she could see it, she couldn't see past the time freeze.

"Atta girl! I can't wait to take you hunting!" Emmett's laugh boomed with his words.

Ah shit, there was the flaw. They hunted together. As a family.

"Don't worry, we'll take care of you," Edward whispered into my hair.

I forced a smile as I tried to figure out how to get around their hunting trips. I could always just suck it up and feed on at least one animal a trip, feign having a small 'stomach'. Maybe I would be able to get away with just killing an animal by breaking its neck before going to feed and then just make it look like I was feeding.

"Bella?" Edward called as he jostled me; apparently someone had asked me a question.

"Yes?"

"We want you to come back to the house," Edward explained, seemingly concerned that he had to repeat his statement for me.

"Right now?" I clarified, looking at Emmett, who I knew had a pissed off mate at the house. "I don't know if that's a smart idea."

"Why wouldn't it be a smart idea?" Emmett asked; he looked heartbroken at the idea of me not returning to their home.

"It's not that I don't want to, Emmett, I just, I attacked your wife, for one," I tried to explain my reasoning, which I thought was legitimate enough.

"To be fair, Rose had that coming. She's never exactly been nice to you so it's not surprising that you attacked her," Alice defended.

I looked over at Emmett who was nodding along to Alice's statement; apparently he held no hard feelings for my actions either. Interesting.

"I don't know," I said slowly, I was still unsure of going back; of facing the distrust I had created.

"Rose won't attack you, you won't even see her," Alice assured. "Thank you, by the way, for adjusting your manipulation on my power. I'm okay with being blind to your future, before though, when anything concerning you was just blank, between you and the dogs, it was torture!"

"Me and the dogs?" I asked, my face, I'm sure, a mask of confusion.

"Why don't you come back to the house and we can explain everything to you there. Esme is waiting as patiently as she can to see you again, but even she has a breaking point," Edward coaxed, knowing full well what he was doing in mentioning Esme. She was the one Cullen I held no grudge against, and I missed her terribly.

_Cheater!_ I slipped him through my shield, without fully lowering it. "Well, let's go then."

The four of them grinned and I actually felt a sense of enjoyment for being the cause of their happiness. I was used to feeling enjoyment for the complete opposite, for causing people pain or sorrow. I felt heavy as I battled internally, completely oblivious to the run back to the house, to face more of my past.


End file.
